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Tattoo for You, but Not for Me

12/10/2016

21 Comments

 
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I don’t have any problem admitting it.   
 
I’m a fuddy duddy old lady when it comes to a certain, oh-so-hip fashion look. 
 
That look is the tattoo.
 
Yup, I get that millions of folks—mostly, it seems, millennials and younger—absolutely love the idea of permanently celebrating a person or event or other favorite thing on their bodies.  In fact, one in five Americans boast at least one tattoo, and 90 percent of them have no regrets about it.   
 
Still, why go through the incredibly painful procedure of having an image literally burned  on to one’s arms and legs, and ahem, other, more private places?  I mean, really, isn’t that what birth announcements, greeting cards and posters are for? 
 
This also begs another question: have those with new tattoos ever seen a decades old tat?  Trust me on this one—it’s not a pretty sight. 
 
This doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the artistry that goes into the contemporary tattoo.
 
I’ve been privy to some inspired designs—delicately intertwined flowers; hummingbirds in flight, even a bagel adorned with lox and chives.  And, in the case of a husband of a dear friend, I’ve glimpsed a large Native American chief, replete with fancy feathered headdress, rendered on one side of a muscled torso.  Perhaps because he still has the  beefy body of the fireman he once was, it works. There’s also the fantastical design that a breast cancer survivor had emblazoned on her chest, one that went justifiably viral (a photo is below).
 
Still, yours truly has zero desire to step into this inky arena.  
 
Maybe that’s because I grew up at a time when the only people who had tattoos were sailors and soldiers; thugs who lived inside prison cells, and all other manner of scary outsiders.  Tats back then all seemed about the same, too—often primitively drawn, they were oversized hearts and names of vanished sweethearts.  Other objects of desire included snakes, daggers and skulls.
 
And although most tattoo “parlors” had sterilization machines then, few operators used them.  In some parts of the country, especially New York City, that meant getting a tat could also mean risking serious illness.  Well into the 1960s, newspapers reported stories of blood poisoning, hepatitis and worse. 
 
But now, my not-exactly-festive thoughts on tattoos have taken A Significant Curve.   
 
That’s because The Teenage Daughter recently got one.   
 
It wasn’t exactly a shock because she’d been talking about it for a while now.  
 
And, I had always told her that once she turned of legal age, and could pay for it herself, I guess that I really didn’t have much say in the matter, except to give my opinion.  But it made me sad to think that the itty-bitty girl I had once rocked and changed and bathed, the same little baby with the softest skin in the entire world, would grow up to pay someone to drag a vibrating needle across her.   
 
I was minding my business, reading on the couch, when she worked up the nerve to tell me about her upcoming adventure.
 
“So, look,” she said, standing above me.  “I’m getting a tattoo. I’ve already made the appointment.  And, yeah, I just wanted to tell you.”
 
Once again, I told her that I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but that I also couldn’t stop her.
 
I added one more thing.  
 
“Just make sure, really sure, that you really, really, really like what you’re getting,” I said. “Because you’re going to be living with it for the rest of your life.”
 
She replied that she understood. 
 
In fact, she said, she had thought long and hard about the design she was getting.  It was going to be a complete original, something no one else in the world would have. 
 
“It’s going to be a tribute to my Da-Da Casey,” she said.  “Didn’t you know that?”
 
That’s when my heart began to melt.
 
Casey was my late partner.  We were together for a decade, and he was also my daughter’s first father.  Indeed, we had traveled to China to bring my girl home, and he helped me through the many rough spots that come with instant motherhood.  And, unexpectedly on his part, he fell madly and deeply in love with her. 
 
But because of a lot of personal demons, he also took his life when she was just shy of two years old.
 
There are dozens of photos of them together, but she has only one memory of him—laughing with her while blowing bubbles in her face.  Yet, somehow, his complete adoration for her has been imprinted in her every pore.  And because he wasn’t around long enough to give her time outs; lecture her on right and wrong, and bug her about homework, she has romanticized him to the  extreme. 
 
Hence, it makes sense that her first tattoo is a tribute to him.
 
Because he loved the desert, she designed a simple landscape of that terrain, with his birthdate on one side, and on the other, his first name trailing from a mountain in flowing cursive.  She also made sure to have this tranquil image drawn on a part of her arm where no one can see it unless she wants to show it.  All in all, it’s exquisite.    
 
So, I’m ready to admit one more thing.
 
For a tattoo, it’s pretty darn cool.
 
What do you think about tattoos?  I look forward to your comments and stories!  
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21 Comments
Jerry Lazar
12/10/2016 01:55:15 pm

All the kids are doing it, and it breaks my heart to think how those tattoos will look decades hence, and even more how their bearers will feel, being stuck with notions and adornments that captured their fancy in their 20s -- especially considering how we look back on our absurd (but eminently temporary!) hairstyle and fashion choices at that age... I remember sitting on a restaurant patio years ago with my daughter, then in her early teens, when she launched into chit-chat with an adjacent customer, a woman in her 20s who was covered head-to-toe in garish tattoos, way before it was fashionable... The woman sagely advised my daughter that it's a permanent lifestyle choice with irreversible consequences -- every tattoo signifies one less employer who will hire her, one less guy who will date her, one less partygoer who will approach her... They had a nice conversation... Given that teens don't heed parental advice, I thought, "Thank you, Lord, for speaking to my daughter through this woman's lips!"... A decade later, when she returned from grad school in Eastern Europe, my daughter had an entire poem emblazoned on her leg, from knee to ankle, and an entire shoulder, front and back, was embellished with birds, trees, and an expression in Polish which roughly means "relax" (but in Rumanian, she later discovered, means "rifle") ... What can a parent say at this point? Too late to turn back, and no point in getting upset, much less scold or disapprove, no matter how much your heart aches to see your little baby girl permanently splotched in ink... But I had to ask, "Remember that woman with all those tattoos you talked to at the restaurant, back when you were starting high school?"... She frowned and said, "No." ... Sigh...

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Hilary
12/10/2016 03:05:42 pm

How wonderful that this young woman spoke to your daughter about the consequences of a tat. How NOT wonderful that your daughter didn't remember a thing about the conversation! At least my daughter had the good sense to get hers done on the bottom of her upper arm (thinking about a needle in that location, just THINKING about it, is painful!). I hope she doesn't get any more. I wonder about employers as well... but since so many people have them, I guess having one (or two or three) isn't the big deal toward getting a job that it once was. Or, is it?

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kerri
12/10/2016 03:14:25 pm

I feel the same way you do about them. My husband has managed to convince our daughter to not get one. It was hard. The "bra" above is amazing! How sweet of your daughter to want to memorialize her first father. Touching.

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Hilary
12/10/2016 04:02:40 pm

Wow, I wonder what he said to her? Whatever it was, it has worked, and I'm sure you're grateful! I don't know what motivated Katie... none of her close friends have tattoos at all, and she is very influenced by peer pressure. She did participate in a suicide walk, honoring Casey, a few years back... maybe that's when the idea first took hold.

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Susan Jordan
12/10/2016 04:05:05 pm

I liked guys with tattoos when I was 13, but I haven't liked tattoos since then, no matter how cool I might think the art is or how much I like, respect, or even love the person underneath the ink. They're permanent, so they are, by nature, inflexible; you can't really change your mind later. I also personally think they mar the body; human skin is already a mostly beautiful design. The only circumstance I think I would ever consider getting one would be if I had a double mastectomy with no chance for reconstruction. Then and only then would I MAYBE get one to cover up the scars, then go swimming topless at the local pool. Thumbs down on tattoos for me; I believe in the choice to change one's mind later.

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Hilary
12/10/2016 04:11:47 pm

Yes, you can even get piercings and they will eventually close up. But tattoos are there, forever and ever and EVER. I understand the memorial tribute part of my daughter's tattoo... and that part is truly touching, and makes me feel a much better about it... but, to be honest, I would much rather have had her hire an artist to do a beautiful charcoal drawing of the same image... on a piece of paper. I would have paid for the matte and framing! : )

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Ron "Toto" Johnson link
12/10/2016 04:54:45 pm

My tattoos represent very meaningful times, places, etc in my life...a visual history of many things and places that have shaped who I am. I have them for me...none show unless I choose for them to show...and I remember the very reasons I got them every time I see them.

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Hilary
12/10/2016 06:02:44 pm

I like that each tattoo represents something meaningful from your life. Like my daughter--who had been thinking about her design for a long time--it sounds like you've given mindful attention/thought to each tat. I still don't like the permanent nature of it, but it sounds like that very permanence is what attracts you to the art itself. :)

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Larry Grant
12/10/2016 05:05:03 pm

So about a month ago a sophomore girl passes me in the hall and says, "Hey Mr. Grant, do you like Katie's tat?" (I teach at the high school my daughter graduated from last June.) I responded, "Didn't know she'd gotten one." 15 year old stops dead in her tracks and says, "Whoa, you okay with that?" I respond, "Sure, she's 18." As she starts walking away she turns back toward me and simply says, "Cool".

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Hilary
12/10/2016 06:03:33 pm

You're capable of being a very cool dad, although The Teenage Daughter doesn't necessarily recognize that. xo

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leslie spoon
12/11/2016 09:09:50 am

Hilary My dad got a tatto when he was in the military in WW2. I am sure it looked good in the first 20 yrs but when he got in his 40`s it turned into a big black blob. The art work that goes into them now is very good but I will pass on it. Just getting my ears pierced were hard enough when I was young.

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Hilary
12/11/2016 10:41:52 am

Which leads me to ask: with the amazing-ness of artistry that goes into so many tattoos, I wonder if there is some way, these days, to keep them looking good for a few more years? The place that Katie got hers at will do a touch up, for free, once a year. Still, you can't stop wrinkles and sagging skin.

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Stacy Schneider
12/11/2016 11:20:22 pm

My heart melted, too, to read of Katie's touching tribute.
xo

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Hilary
12/12/2016 08:50:07 am

I know, huh? **I KNOW.** xo

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George Marshall link
12/13/2016 09:37:52 am

Tatoos are not for me either Hilary. There are some remarkable artists out there and it pays very well and cash on the spot but that end doesn't appeal to me either. I can't figure any ultimate reason why but it is just not to my taste.

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Hilary
12/13/2016 01:01:24 pm

Yes, my daughter paid $100 cash for hers. A family member in Southern California has a LOT of tats, and the person she goes to charges $100 per HOUR. Plus, once an artist gets a (good) reputation, there's a lot of referral business. But still, yeah, I'm with you, George!

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Jerry Lazar
12/13/2016 01:26:09 pm

In LA, halfway decent tat "artists" won't even bother talking to you for under $300 -- and that's just for a tiny black one... Detailed ornate sleeves can cost thousands (over multiple sessions) .. I don't know where these kids get the $$$ -- I guess the notion of buying cars/houses, or starting a retirement plan, in these apocalyptic times, is permanently back-burnered..

Zen link
12/20/2016 09:00:45 pm

Nope, no tattoos here, either. I love shows like Ink Master, and I love a nice-looking tattoo on a nice-looking man, but personally, I'm afraid of commitment.

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Hilary
12/21/2016 03:58:31 pm

You nailed it: it **is** a commitment, and a lifelong one at that. Of course, tattoo removal is around, but I've been told that getting that done is painful... really REALLY painful. : )

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John link
9/28/2017 02:07:24 pm

I have them for me...none show.

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Hilary
9/28/2017 03:31:52 pm

My daughter's is pretty much like that, too. I think it keeps her first dad close to her in a way that makes her happy.

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    Hilary Roberts Grant

    Journalist, editor, filmmaker, foodie--and a clown! 
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