Call me an old biddy, but I cringe when I hear the F word.
 
Decades ago, I believed that this once pearl-clutching, verbal bomb could never make its way into everyday vocabulary.
   
Yet here we are.
 
Frequent usage seems to ring especially true for millennials, the generation  who entered our world between 1981
and 1996, and with Gen Z folks, born between 1997 and 2012. But this four-letter word is now uttered by lots of
older folks, too. In that circus tent, the list includes a retired newspaperman friend; a graphic artist blogger,
and no surprise here, our own President of the United States.
   
The latter, in fact, used the word while glancing at a hefty pile of paperwork regarding pardons for thousands
of January 6 rioters. 
 
Apparently annoyed at being made to wade through each case, Donald Trump said, “F—k it: release ‘em all.” And
a few months ago, visibly angry about the war between Iran and Israel, Trump told television reporters, live and on
camera, that the two nations have been fighting “so long  and so hard that they don’t know what the f—k they’re doing.”
 
Both outbursts made headlines. But no one seemed to care much. 
 
In fact, there’s no escape from hearing the F bomb—sometimes many times in  one day.   
 
How did this happen?
 
Some say social media is the culprit, with one study finding that f—k is the most commonly tweeted curse word.
Other research concludes that swearing has health benefits: supposedly, cursing boasts our pain tolerance by
over 30 percent. Who can’t get on board with that?
 
Maybe the explosion of cable and streaming services that allow the word share some blame as well. After all,
these platforms are more popular than PG-rated broadcast networks; also, none are mandated to censor curse words
the way that mainstream TV and radio outlets are required to do.
 
But many movies seen in theatres aren’t any less responsible. Did you know that the second-highest grossing movie
of 2024, Deadpool &  Wolverine, reportedly has 116 f—ks in just over two hours?
 
By the way, this film was released by Disney.
 
Yet on the flip side of the coin, writers can choose to not be lazy.
 
In fact, more creative descriptives are always at hand whenever a character is frightened; in a perilous place, or
​even happy.
 
Indeed, neither of this summer’s two biggest blockbusters—Jurassic World Rebirth and Superman, both replete with nonstop danger, death-defying special effects and terror—includes the F word, not even a single utterance. Of course,
the same is true for all classic movies, including Gone With The Wind, Jaws and every Hitchcock thriller. 
 
I’d never heard the F word until I was a tween.
 
That was the summer my mom and I visited my aunt and uncle. We slept away from their house in an adjoining
 cabin, which had once served as a bunk house for a failed school my uncle had run for troubled kids. On one wall
 was a couple of rows of masking tape. A curious kid, I had to see what was hidden underneath, so very, very carefully,
 I peeled the tape off.
 
 There, the words “F—CK YOU!” were spelled out. Incredibly naïve, I thought the word rhymed with “kook.”
 When I asked my prudish mother for a definition, she first tightened her lips and then replied, “It means two
 teenagers who aren’t married who screw each other.”
 
 Okay. That was her point of view, but it wasn’t even close to accurate.
 
In fact, while the exact origin of the word isn’t known, many theories point toward German, Dutch or Scandinavian
roots going back to the early 1300s. Providing more context, f—k might have come from the German “ficken” or
“fucken,” which means to hit, strike or penetrate.
 
Of course, every generation always comes up with its own way of expressing itself with new slang or phrases.
 
Sometimes the words carry over time and sometimes they don’t. Indeed, when was the last time you heard someone
say “fiddlesticks,” “fudge” or “gee willikers?”
 
In any case, and because I don’t live an isolated life, I’ll just have to live with hearing f—k over and over again.  
 
But that doesn’t mean I need to like it.    

​In these wearying times, I’m grateful for my house plants.  
 
And for a whole lot of reasons, this is A Very Good Thing.
 
Greeting me every morning, my leafy menagerie rests on a rectangular coffee table only a few steps from our bed. Here, I see nearly a dozen plants in clay and ceramic pots, mostly with matching saucers. There’s a larger pot to the left as well, placed on a cracked piano stool that still swivels. I get to look at all of this greenery while doing my yoga practice, too, since the only place my mat fits is smack in front of the table.

And given that the table is parallel to a large window facing our backyard, the plants get a great view, too.
 
I suspect that most indoor plants come from a nursery, garden center or hardware store.
 
But none of my plants were purchased from any of these places.
 
Instead, each pot has its own back story.
 
Two are avocado plants started from big shiny pits, one of which already had a fat two inch root growing out of it when I sliced the avocado in half. Despite the fact that this fruit is a mega cash crop in California, I wasn’t very successful with growing them when I lived there. But for whatever reason, these avos are thriving at nearly three feet high, and show no signs of stopping.
 
There are also two jade seedlings from the beach town where I last resided, as well as tulips in a tin turquoise container. Rounding out the group is dual golden pothos, taken from cuttings snipped from a meandering plant at a friend’s beauty salon in California. Similar to a philodendron but with less pointy leaves and more variegated hues, they not only take me back to the place where I used to get my hair done, but also remind me of my dear friend.  
  
There are also three lemon plants started from seeds. All are very slow growers; I know, too, that they’ll never bear fruit. But they’re here because they remind me of my roots, no pun intended. After all, I’m a second generation native of the Golden State, and remember picking this citrus all year round from a tree in my childhood yard.    
 
The house where I grew up had a big grassy backyard with borders of pale pink poppies and cherry red azaleas; a row of pomegranate trees, and the afore mentioned lemon tree.  
 
But I don’t recall any indoor plants, which might be why I never acquired any until I left home.
 
It helped that this was the 1970s, and the houseplant craze was in full force.  
 
Going along with this time, there were lots of how-do books on inside greenery then, too.
 
The one I remember best is a nearly 100-page illustrated book from the editors of Sunset Magazine. The unofficial bible of houseplants for its time, the title is succinct: How To Grow Houseplants. Given that the authors wanted
readers to find success, plants here included the snake plant, which was accurately heralded as a houseplant
that couldn’t be killed.
 
Spider and wandering Jew plants were also in the mix since they were cheap; grew fast, and were easy to maintain. Another plus: these latter two plants paired perfectly with those crafty macrame holders made out of twine, which complemented the hippie homespun look so popular then in millions of American living rooms.  
 
But since then, I’ve learned that houseplants do way more than making a space feel homey.
 
First, there’s this no brainer:
 
Given that an astounding 85 percent of our lives are spent indoors, houseplants are a simple way to bring nature directly into our homes. That fact is even more of a benefit for those who must stay inside more than others, bound by age, illness or a permanent disability.
 
And, since plants replace carbon dioxide with fresh oxygen, houseplants also improve indoor air quality.
 
One study went further, concluding that even the soil in potted plants can help clean the inside air we breathe. Other research by NASA concluded that indoor plants can further improve what we breathe in by removing cancer-causing chemicals such as formaldehyde and benzene, common ingredients found in many household cleaning products.   
 
However, the biggest and most immediate benefit for me is that my plant table always make me smile, even when
I’m having a tough day.
 
Finally, my plant table is a living example of this: they show me that winter never fails to turn into spring.

Wrapped presents under a tree, spectacular lighting displays and fancy cookies all make Christmastime a very happy time of year.
 
But another December custom might not be getting the attention it deserves.
 
Getting engaged.  
 
In the last week, and just in my not-all-that-large social media circus tent, I’ve learned of 1-2-3 marriage proposals.
 
All took place in different states, either on Christmas Day or right before. One is a friend whose daughter’s partner dropped down to a knee. Another is a circus clown colleague—his older brother has been with the same woman for well over 15 years and the timing fit. The third is a television producer who I knew back in the age of the dinosaurs, when we both worked on the same network show. It’s her daughter whose ring finger now has a sparkly stone.
 
Thinking back, my husband’s middle child—married for about a dozen years and now mom to four kiddos—posed with her then-new fiancé, twinkling Christmas tree right behind them, shortly after receiving her proposal in Arizona.
 
When I reminded the Hubster of this, he said that he had also asked his late wife to marry him at Christmastime.
I hadn’t known the whole story, but now I’ve found out that he was still in college, and had finally paid off the simple diamond ring purchased on layaway for $20 per week. The solitaire diamond was in his suit pocket when he popped the question on Christmas Eve, parked at a church lot in Ohio just prior to a midnight service.
 
Obviously, I’ve missed the boat when it comes to knowing much about this decades-long tradition.
 
However, and thanks to some internet sleuthing, I’ve since learned that asking for someone’s hand in December is way more common than I had thought.
 
In fact, according to a 2017 Washington Post piece, wedding experts and social media sites affirm that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are the most popular days of the year to pop the question.
  
So, and no surprise here, Googling “why is getting engaged during the holidays a thing” brings a surplus of articles that show December engagements to be a virtual industry in itself. Included is Why Christmas Is The Most Wonderful Time to Get Engaged!, Why the Holidays are the Best Time to Get Engaged and Why is Christmas Such A Popular Time To Propose?
 
The latter headline is from Diamond Rocks, a United Kingdom website that also informed me that over 100,000 engagements occur during the Christmas season on the other side of the pond. Breaking that number further down, a full 40 percent happened  between Christmas Eve and New Year's Day in 2020, likely the last time this sort of survey was done.  
 
Diamond Rocks goes on to say that these December engagements make sense since it’s a time when lots of family and friends get together, as well as the fact that “people are in high spirits, feeling festive and willing to take time to reflect on the year that has passed.”
 
From the same Washington Post piece quoted earlier, jeweler Matthew Rosenheim gives similar reasons. “It’s a special, emotional time, he says. “People are around family, and they want to share those special moments when there’s time to enjoy it without some of the pressures of day-to-day life.”
 
I’ll add one more thought.
 
Christmas Day falls only a week before the New Year begins. Typically, then, the end of the year is both a season for joy and a season for reflection. With the latter, that might mean changing gears in the upcoming year.
 
When it comes to love, this could include who we’ve chosen to leave behind, as well as who we want to take with us.
 
Still, every engagement, no matter when, where or how it happens, should come down to only this: the surety to take that bold and scary leap of faith.
 
Oh, and one more thing.
 
Before saying yes, make sure you love that person back as fiercely as he or she loves you.
 
Happy holidays!
 
    

I fell in love with my stove five years ago.
 
And now, it’s gone.
 
I mooned over this gas appliance almost as soon as when I walked into the Oregon house that became our home. Plain white—not that polished stainless steel that everyone but me seems to adore—and the opposite of swanky in every other way, it nonetheless had a certain panache.
 
For instance, there were all sorts of matching white knobs on the back splash that looked and felt like Bakelite, including one that was a timer and another used to turn the oven temperature up and down. There was even a small old-fashioned clock with little red hands that worked.  
 
Nothing was digitized.
 
But mostly, I loved this stove because it was a reliable workhorse.
 
I make dinners from scratch and I also bake. This stove took me up on everything I offered—whether that meant a vintage casserole with canned cream of mushroom soup and grated cheddar cheese on top; a sheet-pan recipe for chicken and herbs, or a maraschino cherry cake. The broiler was odd because it wasn’t in its own bottom drawer: instead, there was a compact coiled up concoction attached to the oven ceiling. But it, too, performed with finesse, especially when I was jonesing for cinnamon toast.
 
But over time, and like all vintage stuff, I began to notice new dings and dents.
 
The timer stopped working and the clock wasn’t as accurate as it had once been. The oven light went kaput, but the bulb to replace it was no longer being made. Also, and now more often than not, the flames under the burners weren’t evenly distributed. Indeed, I’d occasionally have to light a match to get one to work.
 
But despite these irritations, the stove continued to do what I needed it to do.
 
Also, I never give up until I’m absolutely forced to.
 
That finally came when I suddenly couldn’t close the oven door. A closer look revealed that a hinge had snapped.
The Hubster tried to put that part back in place but he didn’t have the tools to do so.
 
After a few weeks of looking and making calls—thank goodness, we have a small air fryer that doubles as an oven--we found a replacement hinge at a warehouse in the Midwest.
 
But it was the only part still being manufactured for this stove, which was considered obsolete even though this model debuted in 1994. So, if anything else went out, which was more likely than not, we’d be stuck. Also, the hinge alone carried a price tag of over $100. Adding shipping and installation could very well double the cost.   
 
I went into a bit of a grieving process.
 
Nonetheless, the next step was clear. It was time to buy a new stove.
 
Going online, I found one made in the United States that could work. It also came in various colors and I settled on the pale, icy blue hue. This stove would fit perfectly in our blue and white kitchen! We drove to the family owned appliance store in town that carried the model. I was very excited until the price was revealed: $5,300, not including the costs of unhooking and removing the old stove and installing the new one.  
 
But then, and nearly hidden at the end of the new stove aisle, I saw what had surely been waiting for me all along--
a simple white stove.
 
While the model was brand new, it was also basic in a 2024 kind of way.
 
Compared to my unworkable stove, the knobs didn’t weigh as much and there were also less of them. In fact, temperature control, as well as the clock and oven light and a bunch of other things, were all digitized. Also, instead of individual cast iron grates for each burner, this stove had one heavy, black grate that rested on the entire top of
​the stove.
 
So, while it wasn’t my first pick, we ordered it. After all, the model had everything I needed, and was also about one-fifth the price of the icy blue one. We got lucky on the timing, too: one week later, the stove was in place, the centerpiece in our kitchen. 
 
How much do I love this new stove and barely remember my old one?
 
A lot.
 
The burners literally ignite in one second, with the flame perfectly even all of the way around. There’s also an extra burner, oblong-shaped and in the center, that’s meant for grilling.  And thanks to its digital features, my desired oven temperature is now exactly on the mark, with the stove even making a little ding sound that happens once the heat gets to where I programmed it to be. Also, the window looking into the oven is much larger than the one on my old stove.
 
And, I can’t forget to mention the oven light.
 
Given the years I’d been without one, I’d forgotten that such a feature even existed. In fact, I was so delighted that when I turned the light on for the first time, I think I yelped a little and maybe even clapped my hands.
 
A great many folks, especially women, seem to get their retail therapy from new clothes or purses or shoes.
 
That’s A Very Good Thing, but my truth is this.
 
I’ll take a brand new stove any day.  

​Life would be way more worrying for me if there were no blank journals, Post-it pads and daybooks.   
 
Sitting next to my laptop, my floral-covered journal is within reach for any number of things that I consistently write down while working online. Included are random arithmetic problems; letters eliminated from my daily Wordle habit, and headlines for articles that I’ll later retrieve. When I travel, I also keep a smaller notebook for casual thoughts and doodles, but more often, it’s used as a way to track my itinerary.
 
Post-its aren’t employed as often, but when I do buy them, they’re always in bright, eclectic colors. There are a few stuck directly below my office windowsill right now, where those colors remind me about important info such as how to contact our cable provider, or let me know I have an important call to make in a few days.
 
When it comes to my large daybook, that’s used to note any number of occasions, such as medical appointments; the day and time I’m scheduled to have lunch or FaceTime with a friend, or when to see a movie. Honestly, I can’t start a new year without one.
 
I know I’m a dying breed.
 
Indeed, the older Hubster keeps track of nearly everything, including grocery shopping lists and his schedule for the week, on his iPhone. Counting back several decades, the 20something daughter doesn’t appear to own any paper at all. Everything, such as online banking and paying bills, is done via a smart phone or Apple watch. Even her boyfriend, who works remotely as the operations manager for a large website, seems to need very little paper.
 
In fact, they don’t even own a printer. After all, why buy a piece of equipment—one that not so long ago, was utterly required for a home office—if it’s never going to be used?
 
But for me, keeping track of life via paper is an action that’s non-negotiable.
 
Maybe it’s because my brain operates more effectively with visual cues as opposed to auditory prompts. 
 
For instance, a friend might tell me about a recipe that she knows I’ll like. While she recites the ingredients, prep time and cooking temperature, I’ll smile and gamely nod in the affirmative. However, unless I jot the instructions down while she’s speaking, I won’t remember a thing.
 
So, I’ve learned that taking pen to paper is one of the best ways to take care of myself.
 
And, as it turns out, writing by hand has other benefits that I hadn’t considered.
 
Indeed, a 2021 article in Psychology Today suggests that handwritten notes on paper are actually a more superior way to organize one’s life.
 
One, putting a thought down on paper is faster than digital note taking. Two, these notes tend to be more accurate, and also leave room for personalized flairs. Three, scientists have found that handwriting in a notebook triggers more robust brain activity. And finally, writing by hand is associated with stronger memory retrieval. 
 
Technology can be, and often is, wonderful. 
 
Yet sometimes, and for some of us, the old-fashioned method is not only simpler.
 
It’s better.  

I love freelance writing, but I hate having to chase what I’m owed.
 
In the years since I started my writing business, I’ve had terrific clients who pay as soon as they receive an invoice. But sadly, about half of those who hire me hem and haw when it comes to paying the bill.
 
This, in spite of the fact that every one of them praises my work.   
 
Here’s a case in point.
 
Last year, a client who helms a very successful Lasik company in California wanted web site copy for a new venture. In explaining her eye surgery company, she made it clear that she was a very wealthy woman. So, I gave her my hourly rate—much less than what a Los Angeles or New York City writer charges--and she seemed ready to go. Indeed, she already had a domain and knew her goal: to convince movers and shakers in her town to expand the local airport.  
 
I’ll note here that while the topic was fun, this wasn’t an easy-peasy assignment.   
 
Among other requests, she wanted stories and the research behind them about how the location came to be an airport; famous flights that had arrived and departed, as well as the facility’s part in World War I and World War II. Some phone interviews were also in the mix. She had their names but little contact information; I had to dig that up myself.
 
After completing the initial consulting end of the job, I sent her an invoice.
 
She got off a check right away. But instead of making payment out to me, she wrote the name of my business. My bill had been very clear about using my name. Nonetheless, hope springs eternal: I took the check to my bank. Not surprisingly, the bank refused to deposit it. So I tore up the check, mailed it back, and then explained that I was going to keep working.
 
However, I’d now need another check, one that was properly made out.
 
This time, it took a couple of weeks to receive payment.  Thankfully, though, she followed directions.
 
As promised, I completed the job after several weeks, always making sure to communicate with her about what I was writing. Then, I emailed a final invoice for $300.
 
Not long after, new excuses began.   
 
One was that while my writing was great, I hadn’t penned exactly what she wanted.
 
Now, she really only wanted captions to historical photos, not the one and two-page features on the topics I had
sent her and that we had agreed upon. Next time I called her office, I was informed that she was in Texas
on an extended stay.
 
Luckily, I had her cell number. 
 
On this call, she told me she had instructed someone at her business to pay me while she was away. “You know how it is,” she said. “People never do any work when I’m gone!” She promised to contact her supposed-to-mail-the-check employee right away.
 
Of course, this took more time and more calls on my part. Well over a month after sending the invoice, I
​received payment.
 
Other stories in my collection scrapbook include a large public university which took over two months to pony up. Another client opined that she hadn’t paid me because her children were sick. With the latter, I sent a sympathetic email telling her I was praying for her kids, and then knocked on her front door the next day. She quickly figured out that I wasn’t going to leave until I received my money, so, she got out her checkbook.  
 
Still, I wasn’t going to take any chances. I cashed the check at her bank before going home.
 
I know it’s not only freelance writers who deal with this.
 
The list includes most folks who identify as self-employed—artists, interior decorators, teachers, house painters and yes, even clowns. Also, I remember that decades ago, doctors and dentists mailed bills. But now, medical offices post signs stipulating that payment is due at the same time services are rendered. Come to think of it, plumbers and electricians and handymen operate the same way.
 
I wish my freelancing didn’t have to include wearing a collection hat.
 
But as long as I keep writing, and until a new rubric comes along, it’s part of the job. 

There’s something about holiday baking that makes the season seem brighter.
 
Maybe that’s why I whipped up more goodies than usual this month.
 
I began with my favorite snowballs, also known as Mexican wedding cookies or Russian tea cakes. It really doesn’t matter what one calls them, since they’re all irresistible balls of butter and flour dipped in a liberal amount of powdered sugar. Next was traditional shortbread, but rather than taking out my usual rectangular cutter, I chose another road. Instead, I used a cookie cutter shaped like a Christmas tree, and then, after finding a recipe for simple gingerbread man icing, decided frosting was in order.
 
There was a slight glitch here.
 
I couldn’t find my green and red food coloring, so made do with neon blue. But since we also celebrate the Festival of Lights around here, they became Hanukkah bush cookies.
 
Then came my most ambitious project.
 
We were having a guest for a Hanukkah night dinner, so besides the customary latkes, applesauce and sour cream on the table, I went all in with a three-layer candy cane cake for dessert. I haven’t made this since we moved to Oregon over three years ago and while assembling the ingredients, remembered why: it’s pretty labor intensive.
 
But the cake came out perfectly. Plus, having found itsy-bitsy pieces of red-and-white peppermint candy in the bulk aisles at WinCo eliminated one huge step. So, rather than having to carefully remove cellophane from individual candy canes and then hammering them with a meat pounder, these pieces were ready to go, and only needed to be folded into the batter and cream cheese frosting.  
 
Then came Christmas dinner pie.
 
My choice here was a grasshopper pie, as pictured in full color in Betty Crocker’s Pie and Pastry Cookbook, circa 1968. The creamy filling comes from nearly three dozen large marshmallows melted on low heat in a bit of milk, and placed in the refrigerator to thicken. Whipped cream from scratch is added, and along with crème de menthe and white crème de cacao, the sweetness of the marshmallows was nicely tempered.  
 
By now, I’d located my green food coloring, so added a few drops to the filling, giving it the desired mint green hue. Pouring the mix into a dark chocolate crust I’d baked earlier, this was an image to linger on.
 
I wasn’t finished yet.
 
For the last few Decembers, the Hubster has been jonesing for the chocolate drop cookies his mother made every Christmas when he was growing up in Ohio. While I love nearly all things chocolate, this flavored cookie has never appealed to me (Oreo Double Stuff is the exception).
 
But this year, my spouse did more than wax poetic about these cookies—he researched where the recipe might be; found it, and then sent me the link to it.
 
I knew then that I had to make them.
 
And so, I did.
 
Like snowballs, they weren’t hard to put together, and I topped them with royal icing, which consists of a lot of powdered sugar and a bit of milk to achieve the desired consistency. One recipe yielded over three dozen cookies, and the batch was quite festive after being adorned with red, green and blue sprinkles. Some of these treats will be gifted to the Hubster’s farmer friends, one who works at a creamery and another who supplies us with our weekly carton of fresh eggs.
 
One other thing made this year’s baking feel extra special.
 
When I decided to shape the shortbread into Christmas trees, I took out the identical white plastic cookie cutter that my mother used for hers so long ago.
 
The cutter has to be at least 50 years old and probably cost a nickel. Also, the handle had broken off a few decades back, but I’d never been able to throw it away.
 
This was A Very Good Decision, because the cutter was still quite useable.
 
But something more important and unexpected happened.
 
This simple act made me feel closer to my mom, who passed 30 years ago this coming year. She was quite the baker and I imagine she was closely watching me step-by-step, guiding me so that I’d get these treats down pat.
 
Thank you for that cutter, Mom.   
 
And now, here’s to 2023—a brand spanking new year of adventures, memories and of course, recipes.
 
Here’s wishing that every single one turns out exactly the way we’re hoping they will.   

It’s time for some wiggle room at Girl Clown Dancing.
 
Here’s what I mean.  
 
While I have no intention of ending this blog, I’m taking a step back from my self-imposed schedule of delivering one essay per month.
 
Loyal GCD fans know I’ve been performing in this circus ring for a while—to be exact, seven years and six months. Indeed, after publishing my first blog in February of 2015, I made a vow to download two original pieces every month. I maintained this schedule for more than a few years and sometimes, a third essay got into the rubric. Doing so was a way to keep my writing polished; let my creative juices flow, and give those thinking of hiring me a chance to see how I mesh words and ideas together.
 
More than a few years went by, and then I realized that having to post twice per month was just something I didn’t feel like doing anymore. So, I switched to one blog per month, which worked.
 
The new deadline was great. And then, it wasn’t.
 
In fact, I was starting to dread having to come up with a different idea every three weeks or so, since I never allowed myself to wait until the last few days of the month to start writing. Given that I’m a perfectionist, I didn’t want to
post anything slapdash. I still feel this way.
 
But more and more, I shuddered at the thought of having to look for one more idea and then making myself write
​about it.
 
So, for now, a pause.
 
I might post next month. Then again, I might not. I’m proud to call myself an alphabet wrangler and word collector—that’s not going away, and I don’t expect that this description of who I am ever will.  
 
In the meantime, I intend to repost some of my most popular blogs from time to time. There are plenty of folks who never saw those, and to this end, I have more than 100 original essays to choose from.
 
Until then, happy trails. 
 
One more thing.
 
I promise that we’ll meet again on this platform. I just don’t know when.     
 

Our vacation in Seattle didn’t go as planned.
 
If you’ve guessed that this had nothing to do with anything on my end, you’re right.  
 
That’s because I prepare, and often over-prepare, for trips that last more than a day. Years ago, I had a boss in Hollywood who literally packed her suitcase for the Cannes Film Festival in the back seat of a car while being driven to the airport. She laughed about it, but I swore that I was never going to be anything like her.
 
Indeed, I’m prone to making detailed packing lists, which include hair ties, mint tea and exactly how many pairs of underwear to roll up in my large duffel bag. There’s also triple checking my wallet to ensure I have the right identification to board a plane. These days, my COVID vaccination card comes along, too.     
 
But before doing any of this, I needed to confirm that my best friend and another dear friend, who both live in the Seattle area, were going to be around.  
 
In fact, hanging with them was the reason for this destination.
 
That’s because I hadn’t seen either of them for a very long time—one when I got married 17 years ago, and the other in over a decade. Taking in the sights of Seattle was going to be fun, but really, just the cherry on the cake.  
 
Both said yes.
 
That meant the Hubster could now buy plane tickets. Also, I could scout for an Airbnb. Since I’d planned to spend a lot of time with my best friend, I booked one near her place. We couldn’t stay with her because her house is undergoing massive renovations, but I wasn’t worried.
 
I expected the accommodations to work out.
 
In fact, I was especially pleased with my host’s excellent communication, who confirmed availability in the affirmative less than 30 seconds after I emailed her to see if her listing was open. That should have been a warning, but I was
so happy to find a townhouse close to my best friend—and at an amazing price of $50 per night—that I ignored my
gut instinct.   
 
The first snag happened a few days before our non-refundable flight.
 
My best friend told me someone close to her had attended a super-spreader event. Despite being vaccinated and taking precautions, he now had COVID.  By week’s end, she had the virus as well, and was feeling so rotten that she had to be taken to a hospital emergency room in the middle of the night.
 
I did get to see her, because we took an Uber from the airport to her house to pick up her mini-van, which she had generously offered us during our time in the area. 
 
But we couldn’t hug, and only spoke briefly through our N-95 masks. We had been planning to have dinner that night and in a few days, go sailing at a nearby lake. Neither was going to happen now.  
 
The next stop was the Airbnb. 
 
In some ways, the description was accurate: we dropped our bags in a light-filled bedroom in a townhouse. But sitting in cheap canvas chairs on the balcony, we watched termites as they plainly came out of the woodwork. Also, while the amenities were pretty much as advertised, I was taken aback by an inch-sized cigarette hole burned into one of the bed sheets. A few other things: the place was lick-and-promise clean, but the carpet was deeply stained; the stairs were much steeper than pictured, and the neighborhood was a hard-scrabble one.
 
Still, our smiling host stopped in every day, although she never stayed long. We assumed this place generated extra income because she didn’t seem to live there, and also had a long-term tenant in another bedroom. When I saw the light of the big TV on in the living room in the middle of the night, I figured the renter liked late-night viewing. 
 
We spent the next few days in Seattle, and this part was terrific.  
 
The weather was picture perfect—blue skies with puffy clouds and temperatures in the low 80s. First on our list was the Museum of History and Industry, better known as MOHAI and adjacent to a large marina. This proved to be a perfect starting point, because it was here we learned about the history of Seattle, including early industries that included logging and fishing. I also enjoyed MOHAI’s take on the 1961 World’s Fair, which was held in Seattle, and both of us loved the touring Ansel Adams exhibit.
 
Later that day, we headed to the elegant Smith Tower, Seattle’s first skyscraper and for decades, the tallest building west of the Mississippi River. An upscale bar and restaurant are on the 35th floor, and after a gourmet snack, we walked around the open-air viewing deck for a clear, 360-degree view of Seattle.
 
The next day was a visit to Volunteer Park, home of a stunning historical greenhouse and botanical garden that we strolled end-to-end. Beautifully maintained multi-million-dollar homes in this area sit on streets shaded by mature trees, giving the location an aura of tradition and gentility. We also ventured to the very crowded Pike Public Market, founded in 1907 and one of the oldest and largest continuously operating public markets in the United States.  Across the street, we had lunch at Maiz, a hole-in-the-wall tortilleria where I had the best beef tacos in my life.
 
But I was especially looking forward to our next day.
 
We were going to get up early and grab a ferry to Vashon Island, a 20-minute ride away from Seattle. This place is also where my other dear friend lives.
 
But upon returning from the Public Market, I got a text. 
 
My friend had gone to a large gathering the night before, where she had hugged and talked and interacted with many people she hadn’t seen in months. Now, she reported, many of those friends were feeling sick and testing positive for COVID. Even though she was negative, did we want to take the chance? 
 
Given our age and other health considerations, the answer was no. 
 
We spent our last few days doing unscheduled stuff, including a trip back to Volunteer Park where the Asian Art Museum is located. That was wonderful, but I would have preferred to see my Vashon friend. We also found a terrific Thai restaurant near our Airbnb, and had a relaxing picnic in a nearby park.
 
Before heading out for breakfast on our last and final day, our Airbnb host showed up. We found out then that we had been staying in her bedroom, and that it was she who had been coming in every night to watch TV before falling asleep on the couch. We also realized she was pregnant. 
 
That’s when I decided that while I could never stay there again, I couldn’t write a negative review.
 
As a friend who also hosts for Airbnb in another city wrote me, “I think a pregnant woman working two jobs and giving up her bedroom for $50 a night really needs the money.” So, instead, I focused on the cost of the townhouse.
 
Now that I’ve had time to think about our time in Seattle, it wasn’t awful.  It just wasn’t what we had planned. 
 
To this end, we turned a lemony vacation into lemonade. And for that, I’m grateful.
 
Have you ever taken a holiday that took an unexpected turn, either for good or bad?  I look forward to your comments!
 

​I saw we were running low on Kitchen Bouquet a few weeks ago.
 
Since no home cook worth his or her salt should ever have the bad luck to run out of this, I immediately had the Hubster add it to our weekly grocery list.
 
For those thinking that this Girl Clown erupts into a wailing hissy fit unless there’s a vase of flowers on display that I must see while cooking, let me enlighten you.
 
Kitchen Bouquet is a sauce that makes nearly every red meat-based stew, gravy, sauce and soup taste way better. It can also be added to baked beans, pork dishes and even crumbled tofu. More potent than mere salt or pepper, the entrees I use this bottled tastiness in include shepherd’s pie, onion pot roast and beef vegetable soup.
 
It's important to note here that some folks think that Kitchen Bouquet doesn’t much enhance the taste of any given dish.  Instead, they’re of the mind that its rich brown color tricks our brains into believing that food tastes better with a few shakes. 
 
I disagree in the strongest of terms.
 
While eating experiences are absolutely tied to color as well as smell and taste, I know I’m right since I’ve tasted my entrees just before adding Kitchen Bouquet and then immediately after. There’s a definite and zesty upgrade in flavor.  
 
I knew nothing of this magic elixir until the Hubster and I got married.  
 
Even then, my spouse had never heard of Kitchen Bouquet until his early 30s, when he worked as a newbie salesman for a corporate food company. When a straight-faced nutritionist informed him that Kitchen Bouquet was what professional cooks use to dab behind their ears to prevent them from tearing up while chopping onions, he had no reason—at least not at first—not to believe it.   
 
On my end, my mom was a good cook who never became a great one because she worked with a tight budget. As a result, she might have thought Kitchen Bouquet was a luxury item—way too fancy schmancy for our family. Or, it could also be that the sauce simply wasn’t on her radar.
 
But my mother was wrong about Kitchen Bouquet being only for the luxe among us.
 
The four-ounce bottle we buy costs four dollars, and lasts me a good half year and often longer. This is because the sauce is condensed; hence, one or two teaspoons does the trick when it comes to reaching the desired flavor and color. So, crunching the numbers, Kitchen Bouquet costs mere pennies per use.
 
I thought there wouldn’t be a lot of information about the history and uses for Kitchen Bouquet online, but I was wrong. 
 
Culling facts from half a dozen sites, it turns out this unique product was invented neither by a chef nor a butcher, but was instead formulated by a European candy maker named K.G. Tournades. This all began about 140 years ago, when Tournades started experimenting with ways to make caramels. But, despite the fact that his end game might have been wanting a produce a new confectionery, somewhere along the way Tournades took a hard turn and created a savory gravy. Nonetheless, Kitchen Bouquet’s primary ingredient, although not at all sugary in taste, is caramel color. 
 
Water and a sweet vegetable profile that includes carrots, parsnips and turnips rank number two and three. Kitchen Bouquet is also kosher, gluten free and vegan. But don’t think it’s that natural: the bottle’s yellow label proclaims that Kitchen Bouquet is “Produced with Genetic Engineering.”
 
Here are more facts.
 
According to The Clorox Company, which bought the brand in 1971, the original concoction is one of the company’s oldest items, and the only confidential asset, in the Clorox Archive. Indeed, the Kitchen Bouquet recipe is handwritten on an index card which had been glued to a wall in Tournades’ kitchen. Also, that card is still attached to its wooden siding. 
 
While the product hasn’t changed all that much since originally written down, the marketing has.
 
For instance, a Kitchen Bouquet leaflet from 1923 was geared toward the busy, modern woman who had just won the right to vote, with the promise that one needn’t spend hours preparing a meal to make it taste great. Then, in post-World War II, a 1949 pamphlet was distributed to young wives that featured tips on how to make inexpensive cuts of meat “taste like a million!”
 
New ways to cook in the 1980s also benefited from Kitchen Bouquet. One cookbook of this era advised that brushing a mixture of the sauce and egg onto raw meats before placing them in a crockpot or microwave made for a rich brown coating—much like how the dish would look if it had been seared on the stovetop or heated slowly in an oven.
 
Being a researcher at heart, it was fun to discover all of this background, as well as finding new recipes. Even though I use Kitchen Bouquet a couple of times per month, this is stuff I’d never known about before.
 
But here’s what I do know: no kitchen is complete without it.