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PTSD

10/12/2019

29 Comments

 
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I'm convinced that millions of Americans are suffering from a collective form of PTSD.
 
This isn’t about those who have survived a horrific plane crash, or bank customers ordered to lie face down on a stone-cold floor while armed robbers empty the tills.  I’m also not thinking of families leaping out of fiery apartments in the middle of the night wearing only their pajamas, or moms with little kids trapped in mini-vans by sudden flooding.
 
But here’s what does haunt us:  the incessant mass shootings unique to this time in history. 
 
Being a victim of gun violence by a loved one, or even an enemy you know, has always been unsettling. My late partner committed suicide with a gun, and if circumstances had been just a little different that night, he might have taken my daughter and myself out as well.  Still, I knew he was depressed, and I knew he was unhinged. 
 
This is different.
 
As of last month, 334 mass shootings have taken place in 2019 that meet the criteria for this type of event—at least three people (although there are usually more) gunned down at a single location.  Often, victims have no connection with the shooter.  Broken down further, that’s 1.24 mass shootings every single day in the United States, with 1,347 persons injured and 377 dying, for a total of 1,684 victims.  Nearly all of the perps are troubled young white males, and most were born and raised in America. 
 
After one of these massacres—yes, the word is accurate—our government leaders offer up “thoughts and prayers.”
 
There’s nothing wrong with that.   But when it comes to real solutions and real courage—for instance, standing up to
​the NRA by passing a federal law that keeps weapons that are expressly designed for a military battlefield out of the hands of ordinary citizens, and forbidding those with a history of violent mental illness to never be allowed to buy any gun—they are cowards.  
 
So.
 
We send our children to school knowing they’ll be taught active shooter drills, but we don’t think much about the long-term psychological damage of these exercises to their young brains.  We don’t know if a disgruntled employee at our workplace will go home at lunch, and then return to kill every colleague in sight. We also can’t shop at a supermarket without scoping out supply rooms and bathrooms that a gunman might not know about.
 
I know the back way out of my yoga studio, but I’m not sure about my hair salon. 
 
I didn’t realize how little it took to shake up my PTSD until last week.
 
I was in a check-out line at my favorite supermarket.  Two folks were in front of me when suddenly, a bearded and disheveled young man cut ahead of us.  He began to shout at both the cashier and the woman whose purchases were being rung up.
 
“This is a mistake!” he yelled.  “You need to be in the self check-out line!  Take your stuff and come with me now! 
Right now!”
 
The fear in our line wasn’t imaginary.  We were crowded together and there was no way to run.  Was this man, who was extremely upset, about to brandish a gun?  Was he then going to shot the cashier and the woman, and then us?
 
Thankfully, our cashier knew what not to say: she didn’t tell him to calm down, or inform him that she couldn’t undo the transaction.
 
She kept her voice low.  

"We will make this work," she told him. "Some of these groceries have been rung up, but let's separate them.  You’ll be able to take everything to the self check-out line. It's all okay."
 
The man relaxed and he and the woman he was shouting at moved away.  The rest of us gazed at each another, and heaved an audible sigh of relief. 
 
This time, I was lucky.
 
However, I’ll keep looking for hiding places as I run my errands.  Because on another day, I might not be so fortunate. 

29 Comments
Cynthia Charat link
10/12/2019 03:38:02 pm

WOW so scary, things that would not have bothered us in the short distance past and very very scary today You really put your finger on the pulse of our nation

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Hilary A Grant
10/12/2019 07:11:27 pm

Thank you. And yes, the incident in the store would have annoyed me 15 years ago. But with today's times, it was scary. Also, as long as the NRA continues to roll around in the sheets with our government "leaders," it's not going to get better anytime soon. That and the fact that I really think a lot of Americans are just not willing to give up their weapons, even the ones only meant for war. What will it take? I wish I knew.

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Susan J.
10/12/2019 04:07:30 pm

I do wonder if my time will come up unexpectedly too because of these random shootings. I carry pepper gel with me that shoots up to 25 feet. You can't tell anymore if or when that moment's coming.

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Hilary A Grant
10/12/2019 07:08:07 pm

I think I would be frozen in place. In any case, I hope to never have to find out.

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deb harpster
10/12/2019 07:52:53 pm

to walk around feeling like nothing will ever happen "to us" is wishful thinking, however, to be paranoid is unhealthy, too. recently, my out-of-town family wanted to go to "in and out" for lunch. there was a man behind us in line who, i admit, appeared to be very nervous. i did not think anything of it but my daughter-in-law said that she never took her eyes off of him, even after he sat down to eat. "i am always on the lookout now for the next shooter", she proclaimed. witnessing public commotions have always been a source of discomfort but now, it can easily be a matter of life and death. bring back the "happy days" of yore, please, and stay safe.

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Hilary A Grant
10/12/2019 08:33:18 pm

You nailed it, because there has to be a happy medium. :) You can't go around being so paranoid that you stop going out and going about your daily business... which I have done and will continue to do. However, I am definitely more in tune w/ my surroundings. And that, I think is a good thing

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Glenn Young
10/12/2019 08:26:39 pm

At work next to the time clock, instructions for an active shooter were posted. A little unsettling to say the least. We now have armed security guards in the store because of an increase of violent episodes between employees and customers. Again, something I wasn’t happy to learn of.

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Hilary A Grant
10/12/2019 08:34:18 pm

Wow, even at the high end store where you work. Wow. Stay safe, dear friend. xo

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leslie a spoon
10/12/2019 09:33:24 pm

Hilary Thank you ! That was needed at this time. When I go to a protest now I look at the top of all of the buildings to see if someone is up there with a gun.

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Hilary A Grant
10/12/2019 09:41:18 pm

Holly gave me the idea when she commented about the experience I had in the market... and then I began thinking about it. I asked if others felt this way on Quora and so far, most people are saying the odds of it happening are so rare that they don't think about it. So I guess we're either paranoid, or aware of our surroundings... I guess you can be both! :) xo

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sande
10/12/2019 10:40:49 pm

Hillary, I think we can all can relate to the feelings and the situation we are all in now and the impact it has on us. Love your writing. Keep going!!

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Hilary A Grant
10/12/2019 11:08:51 pm

I agree that we can all relate, especially for those of us tuned into current events. No plans to stop writing the blog, either. xo

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Anita
10/12/2019 11:46:09 pm

I would love to read your blog. But the font is way too tiny. 😕

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Hilary A Grant
10/13/2019 10:04:10 am

If you're on a laptop or office computer, you can make the screen bigger with the shift button, which will make the font larger. If you're unable to do that, send me your email and I'll see if I can send you a version with a larger font. :)

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Karen
10/13/2019 01:47:21 am

Well put Hilary. Captures that “on edge” feeling, the hypervigilance that is seemingly rampant in our times.

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Hilary A Grant
10/13/2019 10:05:36 am

Thank you. Even though the chances of me being involved in such a horrific event is nil, I remember that that's exactly what the kids at Parkland said.

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Elena F
10/13/2019 08:05:19 am

The Mayo Clinic defines PTSD as: A disorder in which a person has difficulty recovering after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event. I have also seen a definition that makes reference to an event that the individual has difficulty coping with. That makes the experience subjective in nature. Some cope better than others. What's terrifying for one may not be for someone else. But the symptoms are universal and effective therapy is called for.

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Hilary A Grant
10/13/2019 10:09:55 am

It would be interesting to know if the Mayo Clinic (or any other well known research facility, such as Johns Hopkins, UCLA or Cleveland Clinic) has done any studies on collective PTSD on a large population. I remember how on edge residents of Los Angeles County felt about the Northridge quake, even if the quake didn't physically affect them.

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Dyann Burian
10/13/2019 10:29:45 am

Yes a very REAL danger in our current Society. The fact that the GOP refuses to even vote on the bills the Democrats have already passed to help in this situation is beyond disturbing. The NRA donates big money to the campaigns of those who vote their wishes. To me this is a criminal act! Children should not have to go to school with bullet proof backpacks! It was bad enough when children could no longer play in front of their homes with out fear some pervert would would kidnap them. Now they have to worry about being shot in public places. It hurts my heart to think about it. In my youth Bob Dylan wrote a song THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGING.....I hope with all my heart that in our near future the Times will finely Change and sanity will once more return................

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Hilary A Grant
10/13/2019 10:41:37 am

Thanks for this; I agree w/ everything you've stated. Let's hope that the madness in the White House is over sooner than later. I follow Louise Mensch on Twitter, whose sources have always been on target. She says it's all coming down, and to have heart and hope. : )

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Dyann Burian
10/13/2019 10:47:06 am

Oh it is ABSOLUTELY happening......this time for sure!

Jim Nolt
10/13/2019 11:24:15 am

Hilary, I worry so much about the damage being done to children. I retired from teaching about 25 years ago. At that time the doors to the school were always unlocked, parents could come directly to the classroom to deliver a forgotten item to their children, and the only thing playgrounds aides needed to concern themselves with amounted to little more than scraped knees. No one thought about shooters. I can't imagine instructing children on how to defend themselves in today's world and what it all means to their sense of safety and well being. By doing nothing we are letting them down... terribly.

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Hilary A Grant
10/13/2019 11:44:04 am

In the last few years, toward the end of my work as a substitute para- educator, I took part in a few of these active shooter drills. It was mind boggling to have to put kids through this--but, we did. I get the reasons why, but at the same time, it is shameful that it has come to this.

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Rebecca
10/14/2019 04:42:45 pm

Guns do make everything more scary. I try to be compassionate toward homeless people, but there are some pretty scary ones wandering around in the neighborhood I work in and sometimes I do cross the street. I doubt they are armed, but it does seem some days that the whole world is unhinged. Treasure the times you feel safe! Thanks for sharing.

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Hilary A Grant
10/14/2019 08:20:05 pm

Agree w/ all. Especially treasuring the times when I know I'm safe at home. But even then...

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Terry
10/15/2019 02:25:05 am

Well said Hilary. Thanks!
Do any of you remember "duck and cover"? If you do, did the meaning of it really register in your young brain? I think the children will be fine; I do not fear for them because humans are resilient. They will be more aware of their surroundings and people... which isn't a bad thing in this era of "nose in the cell phone". I am aware of my surroundings but refuse to be paranoid. It must be a result of my belief system that includes karma and Taoist philosophy LOL.

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Hilary A Grant
10/15/2019 10:44:48 pm

I absolutely remember duck and cover! We were told that the reason we were instructed to put our hands to top of our necks was because "that's where all the nerves are, so if you cover them, you'll be fine." Of course, we weren't told that really, we'd be friggin' vaporized instead. I recently met someone whose grandfather witnessed the Bikini Atoll testing from a naval ship and had some pretty gruesome health problems immediately afterwards--and then, for the rest of his life. One of his children was also born without one arm. And yes, I'm with you. I am aware of my surroundings but don't allow myself to be paranoid.

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kerri
11/22/2019 03:32:48 pm

The other day I was at the movie theater with my mom and daughter, and right before the movie started my mom leaned over and asked if we knew what to do if a shooter came in. Kinda sucked, becausse my OCD kicked right in, and it's all I could think about for at least the next five minutes. Not much to do but maybe kiss your ass goodbye, is there? I sure hope the problem gets fixed and soon. Be safe, everyone.

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Hilary A Grant
11/22/2019 05:03:55 pm

I am much more aware of my surroundings than I ever used to be. Kudos to your mom for thinking about this, although it's a bummer that it brought about your OCD... which I didn't even know you had! :) xo

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    Hilary Roberts Grant

    Journalist, editor, filmmaker, foodie--and a clown! 
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