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No Candy for You!

10/22/2016

22 Comments

 
Picture
Most kiddos can’t wait for Halloween.
 
There’s not a whole lot to not like.
 
Imagine: you dress up like a pirate or princess or hobo, then walk up to the door of a complete stranger, and that stranger smiles and gives you candy.  Then, depending on how closely your parents monitor the situation, you go home and gorge on your well-earned bag of goodies.  If you’re extra careful, the sweet stuff will last for weeks. Then again, older kids might get cold, hard cash from their folks in exchange for all of that yummy booty.
 
Really, no matter how the scenario unfolds, it’s all good. 
 
This was my story as a young girl.  I have photos of my brother and me in costume (he’s a skeleton and I’m a Pilgrim girl, complete with bonnet), standing next to each other.  We’re posing on our tiny front porch in a town south of Los Angeles, smiling and no doubt ready, willing and able to take on the task of knocking on just about every door in the neighborhood.    
 
But then I started third grade and everything changed.  To my young mind, it wasn’t for the better.
 
If I have to blame anyone, it would be Danny Kaye.
 
Let me explain.
 
Years and years before Audrey Hepburn and Angelina Jolie, entertainer Danny Kaye was the first Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF—short for The United Nations International Emergency Children’s Fund.  Initially taking on this intensive, globe-trotting role in 1954, Kaye traveled the planet in this capacity, from India to Africa, for more than three decades.  Dispensing speeches and hugs, he was the first entertainer to bring the plight of the poorest and most vulnerable children of the world to the rest of us.
 
And Kaye seemingly loved every minute.    
 
That might be because he considered the ambassador gig to be the most rewarding of his long career in show business.  Although known for starring roles in movies that include The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Hans Christian Anderson and White Christmas, Kaye’s daughter Dena says her dad also knew exactly how to engage children on an intuitive level.   
 
“Children are the same the world over,” she remembers him saying.  “They may have a different culture, but an ache or a laugh is universal.”  (Watch Kaye in action here, at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdA_MLi2FCY.)
 
So far, so good.
 
But then came Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF. 
 
Begun as a local event by a Presbyterian minister in Philadelphia, the program involves children collecting small change instead of candy on Halloween.  Eventually, this tiny once-a-year fundraiser morphed into a worldwide event, and now
boasts millions of kiddie participants around the world.  In its present incarnation, it has also raised about $175 million
for UNICEF.
 
In my case, dozens of empty orange containers were brought to the synagogue I attended a week or so before October 31.   I didn’t start religious school until third grade, and that first year, on the Sunday closest to that delivery day, we were shown a movie starring Danny Kaye in his role as UNICEF ambassador.  In so many words, we were told that this is what we were expected to do on Halloween night. 
 
Collecting candy was no longer an option.
 
This idea especially appealed to my mother.  She didn’t like candy in our home to begin with because it caused cavities, and back then, there was no such thing as dental insurance. Also this way, she could teach her children about charity and the value of helping others.  She felt it was never too young to learn such lessons.   
 
On a grown-up, in-theory level, this makes a lot of sense.
 
But to me, a slight eight-year-old armed only with an empty orange box (and no bag for sweets; I was told not to ask), it was a daunting night.   
 
Still, I was a child who Wanted to Do Good, and I was also a child who Wanted to Make Her Parents Proud.  So for three years,  after watching Danny Kaye each of those years, I trudged through our working class neighborhood on Halloween, pretty much hating every minute, collecting money for an organization that I really didn’t know much about, except for what Danny Kaye had told me.  (Today, the irony of a woefully unprepared child collecting funds for another defenseless population hasn’t been lost on me.)      
 
More than a few people refused to give me any coins; I didn’t know until years later that this was still a time when lots of folks weren’t exactly keen on the UN. 
 
In particular, I remember a grouchy old man (although he was probably younger than I am now) screaming at me, accusing me of being a Communist (what was that?), and slamming the door in my face. (For whatever reason, my parents never went up to a house with me, preferring to stand on the adjacent sidewalk.)   
 
But the final straw came right after the third Halloween run, when I returned my change-laden box to Sunday school. 
 
It was then that a classmate told me that she had gone trick-or-treating for candy.  In fact, she always had.  Her parents—and as it turns out, pretty much all of the moms and dads—had simply stuffed their own stray coins into the orange containers that were brought home. 
 
I felt like I’d been played, and let’s face it, I had.  I’d been forced to go collect money when no one else in my class had.
 
After that revelation, I refused to carry the orange box ever again.  Of course, I was older by then, so more able to stand my ground.  But the memory of that horrible container has stayed with me, and sadly, permanently stained the idea of Halloween being a happy, kid-friendly holiday.    
 
Yes, I learned that it’s important to give, especially to those less fortunate.  But I’ve taught the same lesson to my now teenage daughter in other ways. 
 
So in case you’re wondering, this means that when she went trick-or-treating, she went for candy.  If she has children, I hope she gives them the same delicious choice.  There are plenty of other times throughout the year to give, and to give generously.
 
Heck, if so desired, that definitely includes a big-hearted donation to UNICEF.    
 
But I’ve also come to believe this: a night designed for wearing silly outfits and collecting candy is neither the time nor the place for such an activity. 
 
And that’s especially true when tasked with the smallest, and the most powerless, among us.
 
What are your Halloween memories?  I look forward to hearing your comments and stories!  
22 Comments
Linda
10/22/2016 08:29:14 pm

One year we took our them 7 or 8 year-old-son Trick-or-Treating and at one house he was given a Bible tract; neither he nor I quite got over this. "To everything there is a season..." and Halloween did NOT struck me as the appropriate season for this kind of propaganda

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Hilary
10/22/2016 08:49:25 pm

Wow, just wow. I cannot agree with you more on this! There is a church in our area that tells its congregants to not celebrate Halloween, so instead, inside the church, it does something called a Fall Festival.. pn Halloween night! Candy is given out and everyone comes in their costumes. It's strange, to say the least.

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Susan Jordan
10/22/2016 09:55:20 pm

Oh Hilary, that was depressingly funny OR humorously depressing at the same time! Your point is spot on - there is a better time and place than Halloween to encourage giving in children. Yecch.

I was due on Halloween, but my mother was afraid I would be teased, so she had me induced to be born on her sister's birthday, October 27th. It was always cool for me to share my birthday with my Aunt Judy, and Halloween has always felt like MY holiday because I was born so close to it. My cakes were often chocolate ones with frosting of black cats and jack o'lanterns on them. SUPER! One or two times, I'd go out with my friends/neighbors John and Ronnie, traversing as much of the neighborhood as possible with PILLOWCASES as bags! (We took our trick or treating very seriously, lol.) I can remember coming home one night with my case 1/3 full. That's a LOT! By age 11, I had grown so tall (5'7"+) that people whose houses I'd stop at would give me a slight sneer and say something like, "Aren't you kind of OLD to be trick-or-treating?", to which I would embarrassedly answer, "Well, I'm big for my age." I think I gave it up at age 12 because I didn't want to deal with that humiliation. I think that's the reason I always welcome teenagers at my door; it's such a wonderful event for kids that I believe giving it up cold-turkey has got to bring some sadness to kids who've 'outgrown' it. Halloween, to me, is special for kids, and I personally think they should be able to celebrate it if they want to until they're legally old enough to go to a party and drink that night.

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Hilary
10/22/2016 10:07:14 pm

Your mom was wise to NOT have you born on Halloween, because I'm sure you would have been teased... kids can be so cruel! PIllowcases... wow! Katie has gone out more than a few times as a teenager, and it's a pretty popular thing to do now... but I do remember the days when it wasn't. She's into the parties now on that date--she's almost 19 and I have *no idea* how THAT happened--but now that she's working for a restaurant that does a ton of catering, I expect that's what she'll be doing that night. In any case, YES... Halloween is a special holiday for kids--NOT for collecting money! And most especially, not for KIDS collecting money!

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Lori Dansky
10/23/2016 05:53:54 am

I remember those little orange boxes well. My friends and I would carry them, along with our trick or treat bags! Everyone would give us candy and THEN we would say "Trick or Treat for Unicef." Most people would donate a couple of cents. I lived in a huge garden apartment complex in Queens, NY and with so many doors in close proximity, I would get a ton of candy!

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Hilary
10/23/2016 10:38:26 am

Now, *that* was the way to do it! I definitely would be less scarred if I had been allowed to collect for candy as well. Of course, there would have been those sweets in the house, which my mother would not have approved of! She did a lot of baking, so there was always a cake or pie around... those were our sweets.

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Pam Thomas
10/23/2016 07:05:49 am

We never had to forego the candy to also collect for UNICEF...how awful. I used to give the kids extra candy if they brought the box, until. Until I started working in international adoption and found UNICEF stands in opposition to what I think is in the best interest of orphans. UNICEF's core belief is that children should remea in their country of origin.....no matter what. They have supported and driven powerful legislation to limit and prevent adoptions from many countries where children languish and suffer in state run orphanages. No dimes for them!

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Hilary
10/23/2016 10:40:42 am

This is good to know. Kids languishing in orphanages when there are wonderful families waiting to give them forever homes is just not okay with me. I'm sure it wouldn't have been okay with Danny Kaye, either!

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George Marshall link
10/23/2016 11:41:51 am

Excellent Hilary.
If I were to give your life lesson a name I would say "a time to rejoice" as in the wisdom of Solomon "to everything there is a season".
Holloween was the most fun night of the year. It was pure fun. As children we were mostly indoors by nightfall and to have a night when we were free to roam the streets (our parents did not accompany us in those days) was a very special thing and the experience of approaching each door in the neighborhood with anticipation and the (mostly) friendly neighbors who did not hide their own pleasure in giving, and our own pleasure in receiving the treat made it all an exciting and most enjoyable night.
Nevertheless, Hilary, despite the fact that you had been led up the garden path, you were made aware at a very young age of the plight of others in other parts of the world who would be helped by the coins you collected. There is something very noble in your deed and I think from the content of your blogs that the compassion for others has stayed with you.

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Hilary
10/23/2016 11:47:12 am

These days, I enjoy giving out candy to the little ones (and sometimes not so little, but that's okay!) who come to our door on Halloween night. I would like to say that doing the UNICEF run gave me compassion for others, but truthfully, I wish I could be more compassionate. My husband has really been an influence in that arena, one of his many wonderful attributes. We just started giving a little bit every month to a new charity I found... Pets for Vets. I think everyone should try to give a little bit (even if it's $5 per month) to a cause they believe in. :)

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Larry Grant
10/23/2016 03:40:49 pm

UNICEF was one of my mom's charities when I was a kid. That was in the 50's and my mom saw Danny Kaye as a living saint.
I never had to forego being a pirate and the trick-or-treat candy that came with it. As I recall mom wrote and mailed a check a few times a year.
My grandfather, on the other hand, was LIKE that grumpy guy who yelled at you. He thought UNICEF was a Cummunist plot.

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Hilary
10/23/2016 03:58:58 pm

Your mom did it *right* -- Obviously, on some level, she understood that Halloween was not the time to be collecting for charity, and especially, not appropriate for her small children to be doing it either! xo

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Jennifer
10/23/2016 08:55:28 pm

I never knew that you did the Trick or Treating for Unicef. We were raised as Unitarians - my father (your uncle, of course) being Jewish and my mother's family being Methodists. Anyway, I remember the confused looks on people's faces when I thrust out my orange box and asked for cash. In all the years since, I've only had one child trick or treat for Unicef. I get about 400 trick or treaters every year - including adults - and I do find that a bit disturbing. They unload vans full of people from other neighborhoods into my area - I think because the houses are relatively close together and it's flat and well-lit. But still - adults? I think it's great if they dress up with their kids, but I don't think it's appropriate to ask me for candy - however, I would gladly donate to Unicef.

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Hilary
10/23/2016 09:13:17 pm

Given that Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF was started by a minister, it makes sense that this fundraiser was popular among churches and synagogues. Now that I know its policy toward keeping kids in orphanages, this is one of the last charities I would give to now. We're not in a neighborhood where tons of trick-or-treaters come, but there are certain areas in our town (flat, houses close together) that people drive to for their candy. I also don't think it's appropriate for ADULTS to ask for candy; it's almost obscene! When I was a kid, it was STRICTLY a children's holiday. Wonder when that all changed?

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leslie spoon
10/24/2016 08:19:22 am

Hilary I am sorry about what you went through. I loved Halloween more that Christmas. I could be anything that I wanted on that night. My mom made beautiful costumes for me. The candy was not that important to me. My friends and I had a lot of fun then.

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Hilary
10/24/2016 08:39:09 am

I see now that my mom's intentions were good ones, but not particularly well thought out in terms of long term ramifications. Having a parent who could create beautiful costumes must have been a real treat, too!

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Cathy S.
10/24/2016 02:30:11 pm

I also remember getting those orange boxes to collect from our Sunday School teacher. I also believe we would get on from Girl Scouts! But, I also got candy! My parents big beef was with Red Cross. My father was a WWII Veteran and it had something to do with when he was in the military. I wanted to donate in school because you got a cute little pin to put on your lapel with a Red Cross emblem on it but my parents would never give me the dollar to help. Guess I'll never know why. I suppose it might have something to do when he was injured and hospitalized in Germany.

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Hilary
10/24/2016 04:10:28 pm

It's clear from this thread that UNICEF had quite the marketing campaign, and certainly got a TON of kiddos to participate in this fundraiser. I'm positive that the Red Cross hasn't always spent its donations in the best way, either. Of course, the Enquiring Journalist in me wants to know the story behind the story as to why your parents wouldn't give you that dollar for the pin! I'm sure their beef was legitimate. :) https://www.propublica.org/article/red-cross-ceo-has-been-misleading-about-donations

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kerri
11/5/2016 02:55:03 pm

Isn't Halloween fun?! I am so glad they celebrate at my job. It's a great excuse to escape the mundane. This year I went as a zombie cowgirl (I needed an excuse to wear my "new" (purchased at an antique store) cowboy boots I got in Nashville!

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Hilary
11/5/2016 03:24:47 pm

You've brought up another interesting point: many employers encourage their employees to dress up on Halloween. I don't remember ANY of this when I was a kid... just as I know that parents never dressed up when they took their children out trick or treating. The holiday continues to evolve... but no orange containers for me, ever, ever again! :)

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Dyann Burian
9/14/2019 07:22:24 pm

I really enjoyed reading this about HALLOWEEN, my favorite Holiday. I never cared about the candy really----it was the whole experience of deciding on a costume, usually making it as money for a bought one was hard to come by---and I was a bigger size as well so hard to find one. The Magic Night, becoming the character of the year and running around in the moonlight with all the other costumed kids----THAT was Magic, and better than candy!

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Hilary A Grant
9/15/2019 11:16:57 am

Back, in the day, my husband (who grew up in Ohio) always went as a hobo because it was a cheap costume--his parents just came up with old clothes to wear. His younger brother was always a mummy, because it was just wrapping himself in toilet paper (even cheaper). Sadly, my memories of being forced to collect for UNICEF will always make this my LEAST favorite holiday. But I also know my mom was trying to do the best thing.

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    Hilary Roberts Grant

    Journalist, editor, filmmaker, foodie--and a clown! 
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