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My Grocery Store Challenge

6/24/2017

18 Comments

 
Picture
Right now, in these wearying and worrying times, I’m doing what I can to create a little kindness in a corner of a corner of my world.
 
Basically, it’s about one supermarket shopper at a time. 
 
Here’s how it works.
 
Depending on what our discretionary income is in any given week, I’ve started to buy groceries for whomever is standing beside me in the cashier’s line.  Since I get to choose, I don’t pay the bill for someone whose basket boasts bottles of vodka; a gaggle of gift cards, or pretty plastic bottles of the priciest hair care products. 
 
But when I see a shopper placing a handful of necessities on the conveyer belt, who then starts fumbling for change, my wallet comes out.
 
Of course, what may seem a need to me might not be one to you.    
 
For instance, a gangly 20something was ahead of me one afternoon. 
 
His shirt and pants were definitely not new, and under his arm was what I suspect was his only mode of transportation, a well-used skateboard.  He was also buying just one item: a sketchpad.  As someone who has personally experienced the healing power of art—both as participant and spectator—I didn’t think twice about gifting those waiting-to-be-drawn-on blank pages to him.
 
Told that I was doing so from the cashier, he looked shocked.  I got the impression that no one had ever bought him what many might consider an unnecessary purchase, which, after all, only set me back $3.50.  As the cashier handed him his new sketch pad, he looked right into my eyes. 
 
“God bless you,” he said. 
 
Then, just this morning, one town over at another market, a young girl and her mother were in line behind me.  Between them, they carried two bottles of water, plus two very heavy packages of crushed ice.  As I was paying my bill, the cashier made a comment about the amount of ice they were buying. “Well, we have to keep things cold for our food, because we’re camping,” said the mom.
 
Glancing at their clothes and shoes, it was obvious to both the cashier, and me, that “camping” was another word for “this is how our family is living now.” 
 
I tore up my first check and paid my bill and theirs. 
 
Like the skateboarder, the woman was surprised. 
 
“You really don’t have to do that for us,” she said.
 
“Oh, I know, but I want to,” I replied.  “You know, just pay it forward.”
 
I swear that the two of them left with tears in their eyes.
 
I’m choosing to extend myself this way for a couple of reasons.
 
One, I’ve worn their hats.  I’ve received food stamps twice in my life, once as a college student, and again, when I was living in New York City and had been out of work for a while.  And, I still remember, early into our marriage, when our dream home was foreclosed, and we were given one hour to vacate by the sheriff.  I recall the embarrassment of needing to accept the free lunch offer from our daughter’s school principal because, “You’re homeless now, and we give migrants vouchers.”  
 
There was also the time shortly after my partner had suddenly died.
 
I was alone, in impossible grief, and a true single mother to a toddler.  A near-stranger handed me a $100 bill to pay for a plumbing emergency.   
 
“I don't really know you,” I said, weeping loudly.  "I can't accept this." 
 
“Oh, I do,” she replied.  “Please, just take it.”
 
So in my own way, I’m passing it on.
 
Two, and this is harder to explain, but particularly now, it’s the right thing to do.  Although I think current policies in Washington aggressively encourage and support a mean-spirited, “I’ve got mine, so I’m not going to take care of you” attitude, I believe that this is not the America I grew up in.
 
I also choose to believe that it’s not the country I live in now.
 
But what if you’re too uncomfortable or shy to help someone in front of you?  Or, what if you want to offer assistance, but don’t see anyone who can use a happy surprise?
 
Well, there’s another way to do the same thing.
 
That’s by giving money to the cashier who is ringing up your groceries.
 
He or she has regular customers, and is often familiar with those who can use a helping hand, especially at the end of the month.  (Plus, this gives them some skin in the game, since they’re partnering with you.) 
 
I took this route last month, when I gave a $20 bill to a favorite supermarket checker. She promised she would find
the right recipient, and she did.  Spotting me a few days later, she came up to me to say that she had helped an elderly customer who is so on the edge that this person routinely picks through the store trash cans outside to collect bottles
for recycling. 
 
Sadly, with many paychecks no longer providing a living wage, more Americans can use our help. 
 
In fact, according to federal statistics, an astounding 43 million of us are living at poverty level.  Even more upsetting—and shameful—is that four in 10 children are part of this statistic, which cuts a wide swath across every state and with every ethnicity.  In addition, there’s rampant food insecurity, which is defined as being in a place—physically, economically or both—without reliable access to affordable, nutritious food every day.  The numbers here are also unsettling: an astounding one in every eight Americans is food insecure, including 13 million children.
 
I’m certainly a very long way from perfect.  But what I do try to do is pass along kindness, and at the same time, do my best to share what I can.
 
Especially these days. Because besides these actions bolstering both spirit and soul, it all counts. 
 
Every single time.    
 
How do you manifest kindness?  I look forward to your stories and comments! 
 
P.S. To learn more about we-can’t-always-see-it hunger in America, watch the 2012 film
A Place at the Table.  Here’s the trailer, at www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnuawGkTRzo. 
18 Comments
kerri
6/24/2017 02:50:24 pm

I have lived paycheck to paycheck for so long, that even when I am bucks up I tend to be stingy with my money, just as a force of habit. I try to help people by doing, not with money. I also shop at the Goodwill alot, because I know my money is going to a good cause.

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Hilary
6/24/2017 03:50:50 pm

With all of the actions you have listed, you are still being kind. :)

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kerri
7/8/2017 01:52:53 pm

Well, thank you! You are so kind, too, and now I regret not mentioning how impressed I am with your seemingly never ending generosity.

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Hilary Grant
7/8/2017 03:31:09 pm

The Hubster has actually helped me become more aware of the importance of being generous, and also, being cognizant of recognizing grace in the world. I wish I could do more.

Larry Grant
6/24/2017 07:48:44 pm

You know that you speak for me as well. Thank you for sharing this.

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Hilary
6/24/2017 09:16:44 pm

Thank YOU for supporting me on this journey. xo

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Becky
6/24/2017 08:31:04 pm

That's a beautiful thing you are doing.

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Hilary
6/24/2017 09:19:23 pm

Thank you!

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Susan Jordan
6/25/2017 02:39:51 am

I think what you're doing is wonderful, Hilary, and it helps in two ways. The first is the obvious one - you're taking care of a need for someone. It doesn't have to be all of their needs - just something, and that's good. They have something they couldn't get without you there. The second, possibly less visible help you're giving is that you're making a person feel less alone in the world and restoring some of their faith and hope. I believe both are important; a person has to eat and have shelter, but they have to know they're cared about too.

I'm on unemployment right now, but I try to keep new tube socks in my car for street people I meet, often on the median strip. Sometimes I'll have crackers or something else to share. I hope I can go back to doing more when I'm back on the job.

I think we should never underestimate the power these small kindnesses have toward making our world a better place. You really just don't know how big a "ripple" will occur from one *small* kindness. To a person in need, it could feel and be a hundred times bigger than how it felt to you in giving it.

I consider it an honor and a privilege to be counted as your friend. Keep up the beautiful work. :)

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Hilary
6/25/2017 12:31:42 pm

I feel privileged, at this point in my life, to be able to provide BOTH necessities--food for the immediate now, and a ray of hope, that ripple, which will continue to grow. I posted this last night on my Timeline; please watch, because it's all about the importance of that pinpoint of light. https://www.facebook.com/georgehtakei/videos/1439203406147008/?pnref=story

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Paula
6/25/2017 04:55:44 am

Thank you for sharing. I try to do random acts of kindness. Even it is a kind word of moral support or smile shared. In this day and time we have forgotten to smile, hug, reach out a hand to shake. Just communicate.

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Hilary
6/25/2017 12:33:45 pm

My now 19-year-old daughter has long felt comfortable in looking homeless folks in the eyes, and then talking to them. They feel as if they are being SEEN. So, yes, a smile, an acknowledgement, is just as important. As Leonard Cohen once said... in the end, we are all just holding hands and walking each other home. :)

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Pam Thomas
6/25/2017 06:14:43 am

You are a thoroughly lovely and kind person. Kindness is needed more than ever, and this is a good rememnder. As an aside...and I am only asking for a friend..... you can buy vodka in CA supermarkets?

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Hilary
6/25/2017 12:35:11 pm

Yup, times of darkness always call for ramping up the kindness. And YES, you can buy hard liquor in supermarkets here whenever they are open... even Sunday! :)

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leslie spoon
6/25/2017 09:01:09 am

Hilary What a great idea. There is a new meanness out there now. I have seen it with the way older men are treating the people who work at the local market and at Rite Aid. At our market they had a store meeting on how to handle it. I have also seen too many young people out there who are homeless. I give money to some of them. I can tell by their eyes and actions that they are not on drugs or drunk. Rents are so high and jobs pay very little. It is amazing how a little bit of kindness will light up a person`s face. These are sad times. Thank you for what you are doing.

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Hilary
6/25/2017 12:26:20 pm

What makes me sad--and I know we've talked about this before--is that I wonder how long the meanness has been there, hidden. However, now, this attitude has been allowed to emerge because our leaders in Washington, with THEIR meanness, and bullying tactics--have the same attitude. I am only one person, but I am doing what I can, a pinpoint of light, for those in need to KNOW that kindness is still here, and ultimately, WILL prevail.

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andrea peck
6/26/2017 08:27:01 pm

I love this Hilary. In a conversation today, it came up from an old book that "alcoholism stems from a lack of acceptance. " I am a bit off topic, but I think what you are doing sends that message: "I accept you." Very powerful for those who feel at loose ends, untethered.

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Hilary
6/27/2017 10:36:20 am

Well, as Ram Dass said, "(In the end), we're all just walking each other home." Not to mention the fact that a full ONE HALF of all Americans are now living paycheck to paycheck. That, in itself, is a travesty.

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    Hilary Roberts Grant

    Journalist, editor, filmmaker, foodie--and a clown! 
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