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Going My Gray

3/30/2021

16 Comments

 
Picture
​You can blame Jane Fonda for why I've stopped coloring my hair.   
 
Nope, I’ve never met the 83-year-old actress and activist*, whose first movie came out in 1960 and who has dual Oscars; a fistful of Golden Globes, and enough lifetime achievement awards to fill a couple of mantels.
 
But scrolling YouTube a few weeks ago, I caught a recent Zoom chat between Ellen DeGeneres and the still sassy and still stunning Fonda.
 
Right off, DeGeneres mentioned how beautiful Fonda’s nearly collar length, silver locks are looking these days.     
 
“I’m so happy I let it go gray,” she replied. “Enough already!  So much time wasted, so much money spent, so many chemicals!” Then, sliding a finger from one end of her throat to the other, Fonda said, “I’m through with that!”
 
I watched the exchange two more times.
 
Then came my epiphany to do the same.
 
Longtime friends, especially my California hairdresser, are no doubt astonished to hear about this hard turn.   
 
That’s because they know that for decades, I’ve had my hair professionally colored once every month. Years ago, the cost was $35; the price tag today has nearly doubled. Still, it was never not worth it because I always felt prettier and more confident when I left the salon.  
 
Eventually, there was another reason: I was sure these visits made me look much younger than my actual birthdate. 
 
But of course, the cycle was never-ending.  
 
I’d see those first gray roots peeking out two to three weeks after a session at the salon. So, having already booked
an appointment my last time in the chair, I’d return with checkbook in hand. I joked that my hair might be gray, or
it might not.
 
In any case, no one was ever going to find out.
 
When COVID-19 required my salon to close last March, I knew one thing: I wasn’t going to stop coloring my hair. Instead, I trotted to the nearest drugstore to buy over-the-counter hair dye for the first time ever, playing it safe with a name brand in dark brown.
 
Then I recruited the Very Reluctant Hubster to do the deed. 
 
With our bright dining room light directly above me and a few old towels draped over my shoulders, I’d hoist myself up on the swiveling stool that he had once used to sing at weddings, fundraisers and community get-togethers.
  
Now he had another job.  
 
Pulling on the thin plastic gloves that came with the tint, my spouse sighed deeply and covered my entire scalp, and sometimes a cheek, with the dark goo. I’d pile the mess into a ponytail and wait 25 minutes, and then jump in the shower to shampoo it out. 
 
It looked good.
 
But, perhaps because I also saw him cringe whenever I mentioned it was once again time for the tall chair, I began weighing other options.
 
Months had gone by, and I’d found a new hairdresser who took masking to the next level. She worked by herself in a stand-alone salon her husband had built on their property, allowing only one client in at a time. My spouse immediately said this was a great idea.  
 
However, I realize now that I’d already been thinking about going gray.
 
That might be because I’d recently heard of something called color correction, the technique that makes Jane Fonda’s hair look so terrific.  
 
Here’s what it means.
 
First and foremost, this isn’t a one-and-done situation.  Instead, it’s a two-year commitment.
 
The process starts with letting the gray roots grow out two to three inches. Then, my hairdresser will do something called stripping, which lifts the dyed color out. Once stripped, the hair is lighter and therefore more evenly matches the emerging gray on top. Another stripping appointment comes soon after, perhaps in a few days or if my hair isn’t as healthy as it needs to be, a few months.
 
As more hair grows, small “baby” highlights are applied to the darkest parts of the hair, which ensures that the overall color will be evenly toned. There might be several of these sessions, but this relaxed schedule also means the chances for breakage and dryness are greatly reduced. In-between, I’ll use a sulfate-free, purple or blue-hued shampoo to prevent brassiness, and also have regular trims to eliminate split ends.  
 
Because the process is so exact and purposeful, the final look is nuanced and beautiful.
 
Also, it’s not only Jane Fonda’s hair that’s looking terrific these days.
 
Eighty-one-year-old Ali McGraw boasts a long ponytail streaked with shades of light and dark silver. Seventysomethings Helen Mirren, Glenn Close and Meryl Streep are rocking the look as well, as well as many other Hollywood celebrities.    
 
Sooner than later, I’ll be in their ranks. 
 
I can’t wait.
 
* I did shake her father’s hand once, though. He was taller than I expected.

16 Comments
Bev Praver
3/30/2021 03:00:59 pm

I only colored my hair once, many years ago and I didn't like the result all that much. So ever since then I have just allowed nature to take it's course. I haven't seen the inside of a hair salon since 2002 when my daughter insisted that I get my hair "done" for her wedding. Whatever you see is what I have naturally. I will never have that beautiful stunning white/gray hair. It's not in my genes.

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Hilary
3/30/2021 08:20:56 pm

My mother's gray hair grew in an icky gray-yellow, which I thought would be my fate as well. Lo and behold, when my hairdresser looked at the top of my head the other day, she said there was a lot of "pepper" -- meaning white mixed in w/ dark. That would be more like my dad's hair, so... I can't wait to see what she'll do!

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Rebecca
3/30/2021 03:55:20 pm

I wanted to let mine go for a long time -- it was so expensive, usually over $100, and my hair grows so fast, usually a big stripe would appear at 4 weeks. I did not want to spent $100 a month, plus all that time, on my hair. I don't love it, and I'm not even doing the blending highlights and all that, I'm just letting it grow and getting regular trims, but I do like being free from the whole thing, just like Jane!

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Hilary
3/30/2021 08:23:53 pm

Absolutely everything Jane said, every single sentence, applies to me. And, that's how it hit me. But I will admit that I am vain in certain ways. Don't mind shopping at thrift stores, and long before the pandemic hit, my everyday clothes were, and are, hoodies and drawstring pants. My hair is different, though. Bring on the blending! :)

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Holly
3/31/2021 03:31:32 am

I shaved my head, started fresh. Kind of regretted that, but, have never regretted stopping the coloring! It’s liberating and I do believe it reveals more of who I am. What you see is what you get! Go, Hillary!

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Hilary
3/31/2021 10:49:48 am

That's brave! I have a cousin who cut her tinted, touching-the-shoulders hair very short, a la Mia Farrow from 1968, and then let the gray grow out that way. It's all one even shade now. Again, that takes guts. But, just like the shaving you did, I'm too vain for that anyway LOL. :)

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Larry Grant
3/31/2021 02:47:58 pm

The "hubster" here. Doing the coloring, I dreaded messing up. The first time I did it I found myself unconsciously humming the funeral march from a Mahler symphony. Yikes!!! Am very grateful to Jane Fonda and Hilary's hairdresser.

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Hilary
3/31/2021 03:06:43 pm

You did a great job and got more comfortable with doing it every time. But, time to move on--for both of us! xoxo

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pamela thomas
3/31/2021 07:39:08 pm

Haha! When I'm 80, I'll consider going gray. For now, hair color makes me feel great, just like the right makeup and clothing. It's a head thing.

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Hilary
4/1/2021 10:40:35 am

You're just like Jane! She only started letting her hair go gray at 81 years old. She was ready then. :)

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Susan stewart
4/1/2021 08:47:50 am

As you know, I've been gray / white for many years now. An unexpected bonus, in addition to all the reasons Jane gave, is that my skin and eyes go better with my hair than they did with the original dingy blonde. I get compliments on it all the time. Plus, for some reason, i dont have to wash it as often. You`'ll be a beautiful silver I'm sure! And the liberation is for real. Can't wait to see the finished project.

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Hilary
4/1/2021 10:46:02 am

Years ago, I remember you suggesting that I let my hair grow out to its natural gray -- but the idea was one I was not ready to embrace. As you can see from the blog, it was a series of "stuff" that's finally made me ready. I have another inch or so that needs to grow out -- first stripping appointment is the first week of May. I've been warned that it may be an odd color because of the different dyes I've used over the years, so, we'll see. One of my hairdresser's client's hair came out sky blue after her first stripping. Actually, that would be cool!

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Elizabeth Heise link
4/1/2021 09:22:49 am

At 51 I have just begun sprouting grays. I’m so grateful for the movement to let it grow in. I never wanted to regularly dye my hair for all the reasons stated, chiefly that I don’t want to waste my money and time. I want a picture of your sassy new hair!!!

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Hilary
4/1/2021 10:48:02 am

All of the those chemicals just can't be good for us! I will absolutely post my progress on FB and tag you. xo

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leslie spoon
4/1/2021 12:39:28 pm

Hilary Your hair is going to look great. I am glad that I let my gray grow back in.

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Hilary
4/1/2021 12:49:47 pm

So many people have commented that once the process is complete, it will liberating. One more thing to permanently take off my plate!

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    Hilary Roberts Grant

    Journalist, editor, filmmaker, foodie--and a clown! 
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