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The Right Place is Right Here

5/29/2016

27 Comments

 
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​As the years go by, and all of life becomes less black and white, I’ll admit it.
 
I can be wrong.
 
When this is pointed out, and especially if defeat is imminent, I say what my late partner used to say.
 
“I strike my colors!” 
 
Centuries ago, this meant to lower the flag (i.e. the “colors”) of a ship while it was at sea.  Doing so was a universally recognized indication of surrender, especially if the vessel in question was under attack. 
 
In my world, uttering this phrase means that my opinion needs some serious attitude modification.
 
The last few months—filled with betrayal, anger, and at last, some serenity—have been filled with some extremely rocky days and nights for our family.  Thankfully, we’re now all on the same path… but not without crossing some gnarly territory first. 
 
This is about college.
 
My daughter will soon graduate from high school, a private college prep place that we’ve only been able to afford because The Hubster teaches there.  
 
In just about every way, the school has been a saving grace from our public school experience.  We’ve found small classes; instructors giving quality time to kiddos because they aren’t buried in paperwork, and a mindset that the coolest kids are those who get the best grades and do the most community service projects. 
 
This way of thinking has helped my daughter become a special young adult. 
 
In spite of the school’s strict academic standards and her documented learning differences, she’s a solid B student.  More importantly, she’s compassionate, strong and funny, and runs with a good crew,
 
So when it came time to meet with the school’s college counselor, there seemed to be only one route toward continuing her education: get into a four-year university.  It was suggested that we especially look at private places, since they, too, boast the same Very Good Things as her high school. 
 
When we brought up community college, the idea was immediately shot down.
 
“OH!” said the counselor, turning to my daughter.  “You can do much better than that!”
 
So, this path was dropped in favor of finding nine colleges (three to reach for, three that my daughter would likely get accepted to, and three that would definitely want her) for her to submit applications to.  Because we were taking this route, there would also be SATs for my child to endure, and some extra tutoring. 
 
Still, we caught the excitement, gamely nodded our heads and budgeted accordingly.
 
Knowing how expensive college can be, we also asked the counselor about those costs.
 
“Get accepted first,” she said.  “Don’t worry about money. The money will come.”
 
All seemed to be going to plan when our kid was accepted into eight of the nine colleges on her list.  Out of this, three schools in New York offered congratulations, including the prestigious Pratt Institute, her number one reach school. 
 
Then the scholarship packages started arriving.
 
Except for one huge thing.
 
They weren’t exactly offering the funds we’d thought they would be.
 
In fact, despite as much as 30 percent off from the listed tuition/room and board costs, enrolling in any of these schools was going to cost us, the parents, at least $30,000 per year in loans (yes, that’s four zeros). 
 
On top of that, my daughter would graduate with a monumental amount of debt—up to $50,000.
 
This slope gets even more slippery if parents and kids decide that the loan must be deferred in order to attend
said school. 
 
That’s because once this decision is made, the monies are frequently manipulated to favor the lender. 
 
In fact, it’s not uncommon for federal college funds to be bought and sold several times, with compounded interest merrily added along the way.   Consequently, both parent and student debt often ends up being much higher than the initial figures given.   And basically, unless you die or become completely disabled, there is no way, ever, to get out from under, even if you declare bankruptcy.   (Many dozens of these horror stories are at http://studentdebtcrisis.org/read-student-debt-stories/)   
 
So, yes indeed, the money would come—from our pockets.  This also meant that unless we dived into deep debt doo-doo for the rest of our lives, going to college in this manner wasn’t only not smart, it was unworkable.   
 
It was time to strike our colors.
 
It wasn’t easy for our daughter to hear the new plan—another look at community college.
 
Honestly, this wasn’t a happy dance for me either.   
 
I’d always pictured my kid at a toney East Coast campus, popular and happy, and because we had done everything right and in its logical progression, never having to worry about costs.  And, I also remembered that what was once called junior college was where the losers went. Everyone got in because all of its students had been rejected everywhere else. 
 
Then I started looking into what community college is today. 
 
Specifically, I started looking at the school my daughter will be attending.
 
As it turns out, this CC is ranked in the Top 10 in our state.  It also has only 6,000 kids, so classes here, like her high school, are small.  Did you also know that Walt Disney, Tom Hanks and Jonas Salk all started their higher educations at community colleges?
 
Another plus is that once my child receives her AA degree, she’s guaranteed admission to one of our 23 state colleges or a growing handful of California universities, including UC Berkeley.  There’s another track to ensure that all of her ducks will be in place if she decides on an out-of-state or private school.  Moreover, both public and private four-year schools generally offer way better financial aid to junior transfers, partly because so many freshman and sophomores have already dropped out. 
 
In addition—and it turns out that this is now a trend around the country—many of the CC professors here teach the
exact same courses  at the expensive four-year college that’s down the road.
 
Here’s another selling point: students who start college at a CC are much more likely to graduate from a
four-year institution.  
 
I don’t know exactly why this is.  But I do know that with its far lower tuition rates, and often, far more majors to choose from, community college students have a lot more wiggle room when it comes time to figure out what they want to do with the rest of their lives.  On the other hand, students who enter a pricey university immediately after high school often don’t get this luxury—maybe because a lot of families quickly find out that they can’t shoulder the exorbitant costs beyond the initial four years.    
 
And one more thing. 
 
Thanks to a generous patron, my daughter’s first year of tuition will be free.
 
Cuesta College, here we come.
 
What do you think about college costs today, and what do you think about community colleges today?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!
 
P.S.  Find out more about the advantages of community college here, at http://www.moneycrashers.com/benefits-of-community-college/.

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27 Comments
Larry Grant
5/29/2016 03:57:19 pm

I'm so glad you wrote this. I think it will help others be realistic and at peace with making wise decisions.

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Hilary
5/29/2016 04:30:37 pm

If I can help just one family come to the place we're now at, I will have done my job. :) xo

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Kari Schultz
5/29/2016 06:14:15 pm

I think what you went through the last few months sounds very much like a grieving process to me. When we have and raise kids, there are certain expectations, and when that expectation has no chance of being met, then a grieving process does ensue. We expect to have children that will live long lives, go to a top university, get married, have children and a happily every after. My first expectation was shattered in 2007 when my son was diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy and since this is a fatal disease, my expectation of many of things we take for granted was destroyed. It has taken me many years to work through that despair with my faith in God carrying me through. But it has taught me to not take life for granted, to enjoy each moment with him because honestly, we never know how long we are given. It has grown my faith. Then there was the expectation of my son getting a 4 year scholarship at a prestigious four year University after he excelled in high school. I just recently had to let that expectation go even though he is 15, since his grades are not 4.5. But I am happy to know Cuesta is here and not only provides dual enrollment once he is 16, but also with their promise, his first year of Community College will be paid for. So, on this I had to change my expectation and I am good with that. Heck, who knows, maybe he will be one of the few that graduate with a high school diploma and an AA degree all at the same time. Well, I can always hope but I am glad we have choices and Cuesta, thanks to you and others talking about it, has put a positive spin on just how fantastic this choice is, especially financially. Your daughter is amazing and you should be so proud. Congratulations to you all!

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Hilary
5/29/2016 06:30:43 pm

Thanks for all of the thoughts in here! First, these days, I know NO ONE, even with a super high GPA, who is getting a free ride into these universities, public or private. Many of my daughter's colleagues, whose GPAs were much higher, got the EXACT SAME award offers. The fact is, these colleges are way overpriced to begin with, so offering these "scholarships" is really just an optical illusion. The Cuesta Promise is amazing, but I have recently found out that the second semester is only gratis if the student maintains a B average. Still, even w/out that, this school is completely affordable. I want everyone to know how awesome TODAY'S community colleges are... and that they are a WISE CHOICE. And when it comes to our kids, a wise woman once told me that we are all hostages to fortune. Once you've been through a life-altering tragedy, you know this for sure.

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Melany & Jon
5/29/2016 10:02:21 pm

We loved your entry. You are 100% right about the miserable scam that is the university system, and the breath of fresh air that is community college. Sammy had a wonderful year at Cuesta, filled with challenging classes and encouraging instructors. She's grown tremendously academically and socially. Whatever her eventual path, Katie will be much, much better off financially and otherwise by starting at Cuesta.

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Hilary
5/29/2016 10:09:23 pm

Thank you! The Hubster calls the university system a racket, and you call it a scam. Different words for the same miserable thing! Also, we've had a few dealings with Cuesta so far and have been FAR more impressed with its folks than any of the folks we talked to/met with at the four-year schools.

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Pam Thomas
5/30/2016 07:58:45 am

Your best post ever. I think you processed your way through a great strategy to help your daughter reach her ultimate goals without breaking the bank. My daughter just completed her AA degree and ended with a GPA of 3.8 from a mentored honors program. She was accepted to every college and university she applied to, and this time, she received a great financial package. As a nationally ranked athlete, she never stepped inside a brick and mortar high school, never took SATs. Our community college helped her to fill in the gaps and prepared her academically and socially, on small, mentored classes, to succeed in a challenging 4 year university. I cannot say enough about the positive experience she had! Best of luck to Katie too!

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Hilary
5/30/2016 08:52:27 am

Aw, thanks Pam. Your guidance and wisdom about the benefits of community college was a big help toward our family's healing. I can't *wait* to see where Katie will be in two years after she graduates with her AA--and I can't *wait* to see the VERY different financial aid package that will likely be there for her at a four-year school. RAH RAH for community college! : )

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Laura Patterson
5/30/2016 12:57:12 pm

Great article Hilary!
My daughter has been going to Santa Monica Community College so when she transfers as a Junior - She has saved HALF of college tuition!
The trade off is having a traditional "Campus Life" but I bet most Millenials struggling with student loans wish they could have a "do over"....

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Hilary
5/30/2016 01:46:07 pm

Well, the traditional "campus experience" is often not what it's cracked up to be... especially if the freshman student is far away from home. Aching loneliness, being in HUGE classes with hundreds of people, and, a LOT of self medicating going on... with alcohol and other recreational drugs. In fact, many, many students end up at community colleges after their first year away.. not uncommon. Plus, know that Ava will get much better financial aid offers as a junior transfer! NONE of this information was EVER imparted to us.

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Heather Risinger
5/30/2016 08:01:39 pm

yes yes all of this...yes.

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Hilary
5/30/2016 08:25:56 pm

Thank you, Heather! I'm on a mission to let everyone know the awesome-licious-ness of community college! We went to some dark places to get to this point, which makes it even sweeter. :)

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Tammy Dalcin
5/30/2016 08:37:24 pm

When my son Quentin was in his senior year of high school I kept encouraging him to apply to as many collages as he wanted. When I found out that applications were not free and collages charged what ever they wanted. I was shocked. My son is very bright (4.6 gpa in high school) Sometimes it scares me how much he knows. I told him go ahead and apply anyway. Quentin only applied to Cal Poly and UCLA. Neither one excepted him. I know he was very bummed because so many of his friends did get accepted to the collages of there choice. He said " you know what mom it's ok because collage is a scam"! I thought he was saying this out of anger, but then he explained how over priced they were and he could get the same education at Cuesta Collage for next to nothing. Then he added that a lot of the teachers at CC also taught at Cal Poly. He new this because he had been going to Cuesta for about 2 years while in high school to get ahead of the game. WOW, I was shocked. I new CC was a good school, but I didn't know about the teachers, He said mom I'm going to make this easy for you and dad. I'm going to CC. He actually will qualify for a second free year because we fall into a certain income bracket. Quentin plans on being a computer science major and I'm not sure if he plans on transfering to Cal Poly, but I do know that he is getting an excellent start to his future in computers. Thank you Cuesta Collage!

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Hilary
5/30/2016 09:15:16 pm

And, as I've since found out, this policy of CC teachers also teaching at four-year universities is now everywhere. Just the ones *I* know about... Nassau Community College (Long Island) teachers also work at Hofstra University; Santa Barbara City College teachers work at UCSB; Santa Rosa Junior College teachers are at Cal State Sonoma, and the SUNY schools in New York (like Cal State schools here) have many teachers who also work at their local CCs. One more thing: university professors are expected to publish and do research, as well as teach... so often, it's graduate students who do all of the teaching. With CC teachers, they only TEACH and in general, have much more interaction with their students. That's a big one, too. : )

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leslie spoon
5/31/2016 09:28:10 pm

Hilary What Wall Street wants are debt slaves and they are getting them because Americans are so gullible. Leave it to a young person like Tammy`s son to see what is really going on. Wake up everyone because you and your children are being taken for a very long and expensive ride that you can not get off of. One more thing to think about WHERE ARE THE JOBS???

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Hilary
6/1/2016 09:40:54 am

Yup, these loans are controlled by big banks who see a gullible public. And when we graduated from college, there were jobs aplenty. No more. Our dentist is in his mid-40s and is STILL paying off this loans. He told us that unless your child has a specific career focus, and that that career involves a nice chunk of income, to steer clear from this scam.

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George Marshall link
6/2/2016 08:52:08 pm

You did the right thing.
That mountain of debt keeps growing. I know one graduate who owes $200,000 for graduate and post graduate degrees. It will take her a lifetime to pay it off.

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Hilary
6/3/2016 10:32:10 pm

And, here's something your friend may not know: if she hasn't paid off the debt by age 65, she will be denied Medicare AND Social Security until she does. A scam that is affecting the lives of millions. So sad, and so shameful.

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George Koury link
6/8/2016 12:52:10 am

This is a wonderful and informative article. It's a shame that education in this country has been reduced in many ways to big business.There are many countries in Europe that offer their students higher education for free.

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Hilary
6/8/2016 02:01:23 pm

It *has* become big business. Most European countries do offer free college at four-year universities, as do many countries in South America. They also think that America is nuts for allowing our future--namely, our kids--to be burdened with huge debt for decades and decades. So shameful, so sad, and frankly, I find myself getting angrier and angrier.

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Hilary
6/11/2016 02:02:41 pm

Another wonderful article, folks. http://www.careerprofiles.info/community-colleges-vs-universities.html

Christine
6/17/2016 05:13:16 pm

We're in Virginia, which has the same offer as CA about guaranteed acceptance with an AA into the state school system. Virginia Tech, William and Mary, UVa, etc. Not too shabby. Why pay top dollar for English 101?

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Hilary
6/17/2016 06:23:58 pm

*Exactly.* Especially when so many CC teachers teach the same courses at the way more expensive four-year schools, and they're not all just general requirement classes. One friend of mine teaches screenwriting at the CC in our area--and also at the same four-year school down the road. And yeah, those schools in Virginia are hardly shabby. :)

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Susan Jordan
6/18/2016 10:25:18 pm

Sorry I'm so late to the conversation. I am a community college graduate (L.A. Pierce College) AND a graduate of Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, AND a big fan of community college! It's a great way to save your parents money and give yourself a gentle start to post-secondary education. Community college gives you a chance to ease out of high school and see if a four-year is what you really want. I was a 22-year-old transfer student in the dorms at Cal Poly my first year there, and many of my dorm mates were 18-year-olds fresh out of high school. The differences in maturity between them and us transfers (my roommate was also a transfer) were marked. I'm grateful that I was a bit older and better prepared for the college experience. The teenagers didn't want to admit it, but they were terribly homesick. They were also a little like children just released from reform school, LOL! Something about that amygdala thing fully forming in your brain around 21 makes a visible difference. I think community college is great, and parents should avoid buying into the inherent snobbery of sending their kids right out of high school off to a university. I believe many of them just aren't that ready for the university. I wish there were a stronger national conversation that just stopped disrespecting the community college. One benefit of transferring with an Associate's degree: You get extra classes lopped off your university requirements list. I was a child of a working mom, and grew up with not much money, so those first two years at community college helped her and me out. I'm in favor. :)

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Hilary
6/19/2016 12:34:25 pm

Thank you for your added thoughts here, especially about the maturity aspect. We definitely dodged a bullet in this arena, just an added plus!, because after all of the pain we've dealt with for the last six months, we've also come to see that our daughter really needs to be closer to home for two years. She can go out (she's driving now) and spread her wings, but she also has a sturdy safety net here. She will absolutely be more equipped to handle a four-year school as a junior transfer.

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Christine
6/19/2016 12:40:31 pm

You really do have to plan carefully, though -- I have heard stories of certain schools not accepting all credits, so if you have your eye on a "tough school", you're best off to see whether they want you to take a higher-level core class in order for it to "count". Or you end up taking it when you get there. Especially if they are prerequisites for your eventual major.

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Hilary
6/21/2016 06:55:56 am

Absolutely. My daughter will be meeting her counselor at Cuesta in the next month, and will be planning out her entire two-year program, since she is going for the program that Cuesta has for out-of-state and private schools transfers. She may take some prompting, but she will have to meet w/ that counselor at least every semester to see where she's at. We also have back-up from her tutor, who is also familiar with the whole setup there, having had an older son who is now going for his second AA there.


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    Hilary Roberts Grant

    Journalist, editor, filmmaker, foodie--and a clown! 
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